Marriage was the single biggest, and hardest, undertaking I have ever taken on in my life. It was even more so because as I married Josh, I gained Sam as well, making me a wife and mom in one fell swoop.
Josh and I had talked about marriage for a couple of months before he actually popped the question. Actually, we talked about marriage on our first date, believe it or not. We were both looking for marriage, and honestly, I think it's the only way that we got to where we did in our relationship. There was no wondering about what either one of us wanted. There was just open honesty about our life goals, plans, and hopes.
We started dating on Sept 21, 2011... I bought my wedding dress Dec 23, 2011, and he proposed January 5, 2012, in the airport after I got off the plane.
We were married on May 19, 2012. We hadn't even been dating a year.
So many people thought we were nuts. But Josh and I had known each other for nearly two years before we considered dating. We already knew each other very well. When we started dating, it was to see if we were compatible as a couple, we already knew we were compatible as people.
Adjusting to married life has been a very hard thing for me. I not only got married, but I left behind my home province, my immediate family, moved into my first home with my husband, and became a mom.
Talk about difficult.
I understand now why people say the first year of marriage is the hardest. It's totally different being married to someone as opposed to dating them. I know, duh right? But no, this is truly one of those things where you think "It can't be that bad right? The same thing I've always done.. just with someone else too. No biggie."
Marriage takes all your faults... and magnifies them. A thousand fold. All my stupid little quirks that I don't even notice... drove Josh nuts, and his certainly drove me crazy.
Learning to talk things out, not just shut up about them was a hard one for me. My family had always dealt with conflict by letting things build up... then yelling and screaming and hurting each other way more than needed rather than talking it out like rational human beings. Turns out that doesn't work so well when your husband simply shuts down when you yell.
For Josh, learning my limitations was hard. Being patient as I learned to take on all the responsibilities and demands of being a homemaker was hard for him, probably more than I know.
For both of us, it was hard to learn to sleep in the same bed with the other one. You don't think of such things when you say yes... but man, is it HARD to learn to sleep with someone else. Every little strange thing they do wakes you up.
We both needed to learn how to love the other one in a way they understood.
And we both needed to learn to take those couple minutes to just... talk. Even if it felt like there was nothing to talk about. Because without those couple minutes of connection, you can feel very alone even if you're living and sleeping with someone else.
It's a long process... and so totally worth it. I love Josh more today than I ever thought possible, stupid little quirks and all.
God truly blessed me when I married this amazing man.