When You Are Overwhelmed: When everything is falling apart

If you're a parent... you've been there. Those days when it seems nothing is going right. 

The baby won't stop screaming, you're covered in pee or other bodily fluids, the toddler is throwing a hissy fit, and you can just feel the judgemental stares of that little old lady following you as you try to bounce one and get the other under control, and neither is working. 

Yeah. We've all been there. 

For me lately it's been hard. Miah's colicy, which means he screams for hours. With  no real reason. Lately people have started calling this "Purple crying." I don't care what it is... it is horrible. 

Add that to the fact that I am the only person in the world he won't take a soother from, and the only person who can't calm him down, no matter what I do... And Miah is a tough nut to crack. 

Wiggles has just started her jealous phase. As soon as I nurse Miah, or Caleb holds him... she hits him. Hard. With no warning. The problem is sometimes she's gentle and loving and we want to encourage that, so we can't just keep him constantly out of reach. Her little personality has really developed over the last little bit. She's opinionated, stubborn, and is 1 going on 13 I swear.

My house is never clean anymore. I gave up on it. There are ground up soda crackers in the carpet, and baby clothes scattered everywhere cause Wiggles loves to play with them, and somehow it always seems that dishes are never fully done.

Combine all this with sleep deprivation, and you have one very overwhelmed Mama.

But here's somethings to remember for all of you in the same boat I am. 

God understands.

I know, I know, some of you are sitting here thinking "Really Adele, really?" But no everyone, hear me out. When you are in the midst of a tandem screaming session and neither baby wants to be calmed, or your toddler is freaking out and the baby needs to be nursed and you can't fix both... It seems like you are all alone. It feels like no one understands how tired and frustrated and inadequate you feel. 

God does. 

Cry out to him for wisdom, for strength, for patience, and he'll give it! Take your heart ache before your heavenly Father and he promises that he will meet your needs. Trying to get through this challenging time without the Lord is a bad idea. This is not the time to pull away from God, but rather a time to draw every nearer to him. 

This is only for a season.

Your baby won't always be up all night screaming, and colic eventually goes away. That toddler will develop some manners and will learn obedience if you use some persistence and care. One day that baby will rock himself to sleep and you will sleep through the night again. 

This will not last forever. Everything will adjust itself out eventually, you just gotta wait it out. That blissful six months stage is coming! 

You are the best possible thing for your children right now.

It's so tempting when you're overwhelmed to think "I bet (insert other mothers name), would be better for my kids." Or it's tempting to have thoughts of running away or giving up. 

Oh Mama... you are the very best thing for your child right now. No one knows them like you, probably not even your husband knows them like you. Yes, it seems like you are the last person they need. It seems like you're never going to get this right, but think of it this way. 

These babies are taking the time to voice that something is wrong. Because they trust you to be able to fix it. 

They know that when you are near, the bad things go away. Maybe they just need a cry, and know that in the safety of your arms... they can vulnerable. This is especially true of older babies.

Don't let doubt take away the knowledge that your children where given to you by God for a purpose. Not to anyone else, you. God thought you were the best thing they needed, and don't you forget it. 

Give yourself a break.

I bet you are your hardest critic.

Sorry to break it to you darlin'... but you're human. Trying to meet the needs perfectly of yet another human. Neither of you is perfect, and one of you has limited to no verbal communication skills. Of course you're occasionally going to have problems! 

You don't have to be the perfect mom. Nope, nope you don't. In fact, you can't be. 

Sometimes the baby will cry, and it's ok to just let them... cry. And sometimes the toddler will be freaking out for no reason you can find again, and it's ok to bribe them with a cookie and hope that that solves whatever problem they're having. 

Sometimes being a good mom is saying "I don't know what to do anymore, so I'm going to walk away before I do something I regret." 

Sometimes being a good mom is giving yourself a break and saying "I'm human too, and I'm  not gonna be able to do this perfectly, but I can do my best and God will take care of the rest." 

Most of all.. You are a great mom. Don't let anyone, including yourself, say otherwise.

SAHM Saturday: New baby? it gets better!

Elsie was born Dec 26, 2012. Wanna see a picture? I know you do! Here you go! 

She was born a healthy 8 lbs 6 ounces, 21.5 inches long. In 11 weeks she's grown to 12 lbs, and just over 2 feet long. 

My life was a whirlwind after Elsie was born. I mean a whirlwind. The last two months of my pregnancy were wrought with false alarms, nausea, and ridiculous amounts of eating... but nothing could have prepared me for the trial by fire of labor, and those first couple months. It's just now I'm starting to feel like my life has some routine and structure again. We've settled into a sort of routine. It's a little messy, and sometimes... it doesn't work. But most of the time, life goes on. Josh has been a huge blessing these last couple months. When I felt like my whole world was crashing in, he was there to show me the pieces weren't falling, they were just rearranging themselves a bit. He has really stepped up to the plate as a husband and a father, and I couldn't be more proud of him. 

Well, today I want to talk to those moms of newborns and say...

IT GETS BETTER.

With a newborn, it seems like your routine is never, ever, ever, gonna come back. Seriously. You wake up and it seems like you spend all your time nursing, or changing diapers, or cuddling a screaming baby. There's no set time, there's no rhyme or reason to it. Your house is a disaster and forget about home cooked meals, and you're so exhausted that even if you had a couple minutes where that little one isn't demanding your attention... you wouldn't have the energy to do them. 

Well ladies, I'm here to tell you: It gets better. Those first couple months will fly by, and then one day you'll wake up, you'll feed her... and then you'll put her down. Or you'll strap her into a sling, or a bouncy chair. Then you'll do your dishes, and do a spot clean. Then she'll be awake and want to play, so you smile and coo, and then turn on the Backyardigans, because they're bright and full of music, which her little ears love. You'll know you maybe have two episodes to fold laundry, and finish off those dishes, and maybe scrub your kitchen a bit, maybe if you're really lucky, you'll get a meal in there. Then she'll want to be fed again, so you feed her, and then nap time. But this time she'll want to be held, so take some time to work out your menu or do some blogging on your computer with her sleeping on your lap. Then she'll wake up smiling and happy and your heart will skip a beat because you look down at her... and you couldn't imagine loving anyone more. The rest of your day continues like this, 15 minutes of cleaning here, 20 minutes of holding her there... and tad dah, it's suddenly time for your husband to come home. Dinners maybe not made, but the house is kinda cleaned and the baby is happy. You look back and you might realize... today was a good day. And that lately, a lot of days have been good days! 

You found the rhythm again. 

It'll sneak up on you. Quiet like. 

It won't be one day you suddenly have it down. It'll be one day you pulled yourself up and forced yourself into working when you were exhausted. It'll be one day you listened to her scream for 20 minutes while you cried and did dishes because you knew it was okay for her to have a couple minutes alone, even if it broke your heart to hear her miss you. It'll be those moments when she first smiles at you, or gives that little belly laugh when she sees you. It'll be that time when you realize that she prefers you over everyone else. It won't be one momentous occasion. But that doesn't make it any less special. 

So hold on there new moms. It gets better. You won't always be frazzled, you won't always feel like a tornado hit your home and somehow you have to clean up the pieces, you won't always feel like a vending machine. I promise. Just hang in there a couple more days, and suddenly your days will be good ones again. 

- Natasha

Marriage

Marriage was the single biggest, and hardest, undertaking I have ever taken on in my life. It was even more so because as I married Josh, I gained Sam as well, making me a wife and mom in one fell swoop. 

Josh and I had talked about marriage for a couple of months before he actually popped the question. Actually, we talked about marriage on our first date, believe it or not. We were both looking for marriage, and honestly, I think it's the only way that we got to where we did in our relationship. There was no wondering about what either one of us wanted. There was just open honesty about our life goals, plans, and hopes. 

We started dating on Sept 21, 2011... I bought my wedding dress Dec 23, 2011, and he proposed January 5, 2012, in the airport after I got off the plane. 

We were married on May 19, 2012. We hadn't even been dating a year. 

So many people thought we were nuts. But Josh and I had known each other for nearly two years before we considered dating. We already knew each other very well. When we started dating, it was to see if we were compatible as a couple, we already knew we were compatible as people.

Adjusting to married life has been a very hard thing for me. I not only got married, but I left behind my home province, my immediate family, moved into my first home with my husband, and became a mom. 

Talk about difficult. 

I understand now why people say the first year of marriage is the hardest. It's totally different being married to someone as opposed to dating them. I know, duh right? But no, this is truly one of those things where you think "It can't be that bad right? The same thing I've always done.. just with someone else too. No biggie." 

Huge biggie. 

Marriage takes all your faults... and magnifies them. A thousand fold. All my stupid little quirks that I don't even notice... drove Josh nuts, and his certainly drove me crazy. 

Learning to talk things out, not just shut up about them was a hard one for me. My family had always dealt with conflict by letting things build up... then yelling and screaming and hurting each other way more than needed rather than talking it out like rational human beings. Turns out that doesn't work so well when your husband simply shuts down when you yell. 

For Josh, learning my limitations was hard. Being patient as I learned to take on all the responsibilities and demands of being a homemaker was hard for him, probably more than I know.

For both of us, it was hard to learn to sleep in the same bed with the other one. You don't think of such things when you say yes... but man, is it HARD to learn to sleep with someone else. Every little strange thing they do wakes you up. 

We both needed to learn how to love the other one in a way they understood. 

And we both needed to learn to take those couple minutes to just... talk. Even if it felt like there was nothing to talk about. Because without those couple minutes of connection, you can feel very alone even if you're living and sleeping with someone else. 

It's a long process... and so totally worth it. I love Josh more today than I ever thought possible, stupid little quirks and all. 

God truly blessed me when I married this amazing man. 

- Natasha