Two Children under One: Thought of a Mom who's been there

When I tell people I have two children under  one who are not twins.. I get one of two reactions. 

I get the "Well you must be busy.." mixed with this "You're crazy lady" expression, or I get the longing sigh and "You're so lucky..." 

I have never once gotten another reaction. Reaction number one far outweighs reaction two. 

But people seem so misinformed about this topic, and new moms certainly don't get any info about spacing their children close together. So I'm here to talk about my experiences and the pros and cons of this stage of my life. 

I'm gonna talk about the cons first, and then get you into the good stuff. 

My body didn't have time to recover

My hips are still out of whack three months after Miahs birth because they never really had a chance to recover after Elsie. Miahs pregnancy was harder on me for things like walking and climbing stairs for this same reason. But it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be at all. 

We had a hard time bonding at first

This one was hard on me. I remember looking at Josh at 3 weeks with Miah screaming to nurse and Elsie screaming cause she wanted to be cuddled and saying "I'm a horrible mom, I don't love him. It's like he's not even mine, I don't even know him!" 

I remember feeling such guilt that I didn't bond instantly with him like I did with Elsie. With Elsie I spent every minute of my pregnancy bonding with her. By the time she came out, I already knew her. I didn't have the time to focus on Miah with his pregnancy. I was to busy chasing around my newly walking toddler.

  When he was born... I loved him... but I was also pretty resentful, because I wanted to spend time with Elsie, but this little baby wanted to nurse and it hurt(we struggled with a bad latch), and I was so tired, and I didn't know this little baby like I knew Elsie. 

I actually remember the first time I looked at him and honestly said "Mommy loves you." I cried for almost an hour after I realized I honestly meant it. That was around 2 months. I called Josh and he said "You've meant it the entire time... you were just really overwhelmed." 

You will struggle with Mommy-guilt like never before.

I still struggle with this. Toddlers take up a lot of time. So do newborns. You will not have enough time. One of them will always need you, often times both will need you. Your house will always be a mess, your dinners will always feel slapped together, and you will always be exhausted from lack of sleep. That's just par for the course. What people don't tell you is the mommy-guilt will get you. 

"Do I hold him enough?" "Does she know I still love her?" "Does he need to nurse more often?" "I held her all the time and he spends so much time in his swing..." "Am I stimulating them enough?" "He's a little behind in milestones... is it my fault?"

You'll think these things all the time. And really, there's no way to answer them. You're doing the best you can and if they are alive at the end of the day... GO YOU! 

Your older one might struggle with Jealousy and even violent outbursts.

For a couple months we dealt with Elsie hitting Miah whenever he was nursing or crying and I had to pick him up, just from sheer jealousy. I really had to be careful to play with her and snuggle her and tell her Miah was "Her baby." She struggled a bit with the protective sister instinct and the "I want my parents." jealousy... but now she's mostly fine, gives him a soother and bottles and rocks him and holds him. But be prepared for some fights along the way, maybe even a couple meltdowns.

-*-

Now... I know, it seems like "Well then why would you ever do that?" because the pros are so great. 

They play together.

My children are so interested in each other. Elsie is completely fascinated by Miah, and Miah loves Elsie. He always gives her these adorable little smiles. Elsie sings to him and dances with him, and when he gets up in the morning, she's super excited. They play together really well, and something tells me this will only get better as they get older. 

Nursing was easier.

I was already used to nursing after Elsie, so nursing Miah was no biggie at all. I also knew what to expect, so I wasn't so discouraged when those first couple days were hard. 

Pregnancy and Labour were easier.

Remember how my hips didn't go back and it causes my problems now? Well, it didn't in labour. It was amazing in labour with my pain level and speed of labour. Pregnancy also rocked in some ways, because first off, I didn't have time to think about being pregnant while chasing around Elsie. I didn't struggle with the severe hip pain and back pain I did with Elsie, because my hips and back were already where they needed to be. Overall, the entire experience of the pregnancy itself was easier. 

You already have all that baby stuff out.

I hate sorting away my baby stuff. Because I know I'm just going to have to drag it out later anyways. When I got pregnant again, I was so excited that I didn't have to put away the crib or the bouncy chair or the high chair, or the ridiculous amount of baby toys we have around.. it was all going to be used again right away. 

You're already sleep deprived.

I kid you not. This I think made those first couple months easier. We were already sleep deprived. Elsie was already getting up at night and crying while she teethed, so adding a nursing baby didn't really make a difference in our ability to function. We never really got back in the habit of sleeping through the night anyways. 

We have such fun.

When you space out your kids... you get used to doing big kids things, like going to the park... and then you realize that you have a little baby now and those things are a lot harder. It can be a resentful moment. I didn't have this with Miah. We were already playing baby games,  it was already hard to get out of the door. My kids are so happy and I have learned to love peek a boo and pat a cake. 

I can totally see why someone who choose to space out their children. I totally get it. But I think having them close is also awesome, and I think I'm gonna do it again, not this next one, but the one after that. Because it really is an adventure, and it's a lot of fun. 

- Natasha

My Experiences : Birth with OB Vs. Birth with Mifewife

I can now happily say I have given birth to two beautiful children, and both were incredibly unique experiences, partially because of who I chose to be my primary care giver in this wonderful time. I hear debate all the time about OB's vs. Midwives, and now that I have experienced both, I'd like to chime in and give my two cents. Because what is a blog for if not to share your viewpoints with everyone. :P 

First off, I want to talk about the things that were similar, and then we'll talk about the things that were different, and whether or not I liked them. 

With both caregivers, MW and OB, I found that my care was thorough. In Canada, they are required to run all the same tests, keep all the same records, and give the same options. I never felt with either care giver that my care lacked in any way. 

... 

That was about were the similarities stopped. 

1. Atmosphere

Right from the moment I stepped into my midwives office... I knew it was different. The waiting room, rather than being a typical waiting room, was filled with comfy wicker chairs and toys for little ones to play with, which was great for Wiggles. At my OB's, they had a tiny waiting room packed with 13 chairs so tightly pressed together it made you feel like a sardine in a can. The atmosphere at the midwives was totally different, and a lot more relaxing, at least to me. 

This also carried over into each caregivers interactions with me personally. I found that I got to actually know my midwife as she was a lot more warm and open, where my OB was in and out and very clinical and never really interested in how I was actually feeling or how things were going beyond me passing my routine tests.

2. Value As Human Being

At the OB, I never felt like my OB really knew me. This was confirmed when she saw me in the emergency room, and was like "I think you're my patient, aren't you? What's your name again?" I was seeing her every week. On the other hand, my midwife called on her holiday off to make sure that Miah had turned from transverse because she knew it was causing me a lot of pain.

3. Explanation of Care

I had the option to refuse any care with a midwife, and had things thoroughly explained to me before I made any choices. This was a huge one for me. 

With my OB, I was put through lots of tests. Glucose tests, GBS swabs, weigh ins, ultrasounds... name it. I never really got solid answers from her about why these things needed to be done. This culminated in my birth, when I was given a 3 inch episiotomy with little or no warning, and no explanation of what it would mean for my long term care or recovery. 

Where as with my midwife... I did all those same tests, but voluntarily. I was given my requisition sheet, and I had the option to go or to not go. They would thoroughly explain the reasons of why I should, and why I might choose not to... and then let me decide. This culminated in while I was in labour with Miah, being thoroughly explained why she thought she should break my water and stop the back labour so I could move on and get the baby out. I was also informed of the risks and the consequences if nothing changed. I felt much more... in control with my midwife. This made me much more relaxed, and much more able to cope with the stress of labour and pregnancy. 

4. Illness Driven VS. Pregnancy Driven 

I found that with my OB, pregnancy was looked at like an illness. A list of 'symptoms' adorned her walls, and she was always looking for something wrong, and honestly seemed to believe that being pregnant was something that needed to be controlled and fixed as much as possible. Not only did this go against my own belief system that pregnancies and babies are a gift from God, and my body was made to do this very special thing... but it stressed me out every time I went there as she listed off all the things that could go wrong at any point. 

With my midwife, I found that my pregnancy was viewed not as a sickness, but as a blessing. It was never assumed that something must be wrong because I was pregnant, never assumed that my 'symptoms' needed to be replaced with medication. There was no pressure to conform to the perfect pregnancy, no feeling that somehow there was impending doom looming around the corner. 

5. Who I Saw

My cities OB's have a system set up that one OB is on call for all the babies born on specific days, and they rotate. Which means you have a 1/12(at least) chance of actually seeing your OB for your birth. Most likely you'll be seen by an OB you have never met before. 

My midwife was there for me every step of the way, and I had no doubt that she, or my choice of other midwife if she was truly unavailable, like at another birth, would be at my birth. 

6. Induction Vs. Natural

When Wiggles was born, I went into the hospital the day after my due date thinking my water might have broken. When the OB on call discovered I was dilated 3 cm, they asked if I wanted to induce. I was an idiot and said yes. This led to an incredibly hard labour. 

With my midwife, even though I was uncomfortable and huge, she explained to me the reason she couldn't even sweep my membrane for the last week, and how my cervix was far back, and how she knew yes, it hurt and yes, I was miserable, but this baby would come in it's own time. He ended up coming three days later, and his labour was so much easier. 

7. Labour

This point should really have it's own post. There's that much to say in here. 

We already addressed who was actually at my birth a little bit, but there was more to it than that. With my OB birth and induction, there were constantly people in the room, checking me, prodding me, making sure the many chords that were attached to me weren't getting tangled... everything. This made it pretty much impossible to move to help the contractions not be so painful, and was very effective at making me feel very small and alone. I labour for 13 hours with Wiggles, 7 of those medicated with the epidural because the pitocin made my contractions so strong that even nitrous oxide(Which was pain relief enough for transition during Miah's birth) wasn't working for pain relief during first stage labour. When I was finally fully dilated, Wiggles wouldn't turn so she came down the birth canal. Instead of telling me to stop pushing, the nurses let me push for 1 1/2 hours before the OB finally came in and said "Why are you still pushing, baby isn't going anywhere." This led to me being so swollen and sore that at 5 weeks postpartum I was still wincing in pain when I sat down. After they had to use forceps to deliver her, Wiggles was taken away from me and I was stitched up, which stressed me out cause all I wanted to do was hold her. 

With my midwife, I labour for several hours at home before we went to the hospital, and when we were there, it was Caleb, my MW, and I in the room. Twice a nurse came in, once to take my blood for a MRSA test, and once to check on Miah after he was born to make sure he was ok caused he had pooped inutero. There was a secondary midwife who was there, which was nice. I never once felt like this was something scary, at least not coming from them. When I was so scared to push without drugs(cause of what it did to me with Wiggles) that I begged for the epidural, my midwife very calmly looked at me and said "It's to late, but you can do this. You are doing so great." An hour later I was pushing and it was such a relief. I wanted to push, and it felt good. not horrible like I expected... anyways. After labour I had no stitches needed, and I got to hold him indefinitely with no pressure to feel like I had to rush to get out of the bed or to give him up for testing. It was wonderful. 

8. Post-Labour

After Wiggles was born, we were stuck in the hospital for 2 days, and until I had a bowel movement, they wouldn't let me leave. It was possibly the most painful and utterly humiliating thing I have ever done to have my bowel and urinary movements tracked by a nurse, for no reason that I knew of. I got some pretty hard pressure from the nurses to give Wiggles formula, and they were adamant about some of the tests that needed to be done, that honestly I didn't feel needed to be done, but I couldn't leave without them. 

With my midwife, we gave birth at 11:23, and I was gone from the hospital by 2:30. There was no reason for us to stick around. I was feeling well enough to walk, and Miah was measuring well... there was no reason for us to stay, and it was SO nice to go home and sleep in our own bed, and eat our own food. 

9. Post-Post Labour

My midwife comes to my house on days 1, 3, 5,  2 weeks, 4 weeks, and 6 weeks, to measure me and baby and make sure everything is ok, plus more if something if felt to be 'off'. This is wonderful as it means we're not leaving the house with two struggling little kids in the cold to go to the office. It also means that I get A LOT more personal care than I ever did post partum with my OB. 

My OB saw me once at 1 week, and once at 6 weeks. Unless I had a serious concern, then I was to go to the hospital. I had to go at 3 days to a maternal care clinic in the hospital, which was an awful lot of walking for a new mom, as it was in the basement and a long way from the parking. I had a public care nurse who came and saw me at 1 week, but all she really did was give me pamphlets on what I should be feeding Wiggles, and lecture me about how I should force her to sleep on her back, even though she hated it and would cry so hard she choked on her own tears everytime we tried to  move her off her front. It was super frustrating that when I felt I might have been getting an infection, or when my healing was going BADLY... I didn't feel I could call my OB. I wouldn't hesitate to call my midwife now. 

Final conclusion: 

I would totally go with a midwife again, assuming I had another low risk pregnancy. OB's are great, but they have a place, and that place is not in a low risk pregnancy. They don't know what to make of it other than treat you like you are high risk, but you aren't. :) I would totally recommend a midwife to any pregnant mom, and natural birth to anyone. Yes, it's kinda scary, but my recovery is so much better, and overall, the pain actually worked out to be less than with pain meds in labour. :) 

In short, this entire post is about why I loved my midwife. XD

Advice to Pregnant Moms Everywhere

So. Pregnancy. I can officially say, been there, done that.

And so, being the blogger I am, I'm going to tell you about it. Share in my own experiences in the hopes that your day is a little better for the laugh.

Pregnancy was the single most horrible and amazing and awesome experience of my life. It was mayhem and order, it was over flowing life and yet still not being able to get my acne to go away.

My first piece of advice:

Ignore the people who tell you how your body "should" feel.

I learned so well that I knew my body. When I felt something was wrong, it was wrong. If someone else thought something was wrong, and I didn't, I was usually right. Only you really know what's going on in your body. Each pregnancy is unique.

At the same time, that means listen to your body. If you feel something is wrong don't feel bad seeing a doctor. EVER. Even if you have seen them 4 times that week already. It's better you be a little embarrassed than something happen with your baby.

Treasure it. 

This time moves so fast. I know by the time you hit 25 weeks, you just want to be done. But remember those first couple days? Those amazing moments when you are so over joyed by the thought of being pregnant you smile all the time? Try to remember those when you feel like a blimp.

14 weeks post pregnancy, and I'm finally able to look back and miss it. I wish I had spent more time treasuring the fact that I was growing a baby.

Tell someone how you feel.

You will most likely feel weepy and like a blimp and like if you eat more more of the potato chips you've been craving you'll burst.

Tell someone. Keeping those feelings in in the name of being strong makes for a miserable pregnant woman.

Second piece of advice under this: Your husband is NOT the best person to get sympathy for over this. Try someone who has recently been pregnant. They'll sympathize enough to be understanding, and yet be at that stage where they can remind you to treasure it.

Take pictures. Lots of them.

We didn't. I think I have maybe one a month. I wish I had more. While you are pregnant, you will be gushing with life. Your smile will be radiant, your figure will be stunning, and your hair will look like a brand new Barbie dolls. Revel in it.

Get busy.

Do things. Get out of your house. Clean, cook, craft... whatever you gotta do to stay busy. If you mull around feeling sorry for your pregnant self, you'll be so frustrated by the end of the day it's insane.

Most of all... Smile. 

This season is only for awhile, and then you get a baby. Take the time to smile along the way as your body changes. Keeping a healthy attitude will help the time fly. <3

Remember, at the end you get one of these:

- Adele