When You Are Overwhelmed: When everything is falling apart

If you're a parent... you've been there. Those days when it seems nothing is going right. 

The baby won't stop screaming, you're covered in pee or other bodily fluids, the toddler is throwing a hissy fit, and you can just feel the judgemental stares of that little old lady following you as you try to bounce one and get the other under control, and neither is working. 

Yeah. We've all been there. 

For me lately it's been hard. Miah's colicy, which means he screams for hours. With  no real reason. Lately people have started calling this "Purple crying." I don't care what it is... it is horrible. 

Add that to the fact that I am the only person in the world he won't take a soother from, and the only person who can't calm him down, no matter what I do... And Miah is a tough nut to crack. 

Wiggles has just started her jealous phase. As soon as I nurse Miah, or Caleb holds him... she hits him. Hard. With no warning. The problem is sometimes she's gentle and loving and we want to encourage that, so we can't just keep him constantly out of reach. Her little personality has really developed over the last little bit. She's opinionated, stubborn, and is 1 going on 13 I swear.

My house is never clean anymore. I gave up on it. There are ground up soda crackers in the carpet, and baby clothes scattered everywhere cause Wiggles loves to play with them, and somehow it always seems that dishes are never fully done.

Combine all this with sleep deprivation, and you have one very overwhelmed Mama.

But here's somethings to remember for all of you in the same boat I am. 

God understands.

I know, I know, some of you are sitting here thinking "Really Adele, really?" But no everyone, hear me out. When you are in the midst of a tandem screaming session and neither baby wants to be calmed, or your toddler is freaking out and the baby needs to be nursed and you can't fix both... It seems like you are all alone. It feels like no one understands how tired and frustrated and inadequate you feel. 

God does. 

Cry out to him for wisdom, for strength, for patience, and he'll give it! Take your heart ache before your heavenly Father and he promises that he will meet your needs. Trying to get through this challenging time without the Lord is a bad idea. This is not the time to pull away from God, but rather a time to draw every nearer to him. 

This is only for a season.

Your baby won't always be up all night screaming, and colic eventually goes away. That toddler will develop some manners and will learn obedience if you use some persistence and care. One day that baby will rock himself to sleep and you will sleep through the night again. 

This will not last forever. Everything will adjust itself out eventually, you just gotta wait it out. That blissful six months stage is coming! 

You are the best possible thing for your children right now.

It's so tempting when you're overwhelmed to think "I bet (insert other mothers name), would be better for my kids." Or it's tempting to have thoughts of running away or giving up. 

Oh Mama... you are the very best thing for your child right now. No one knows them like you, probably not even your husband knows them like you. Yes, it seems like you are the last person they need. It seems like you're never going to get this right, but think of it this way. 

These babies are taking the time to voice that something is wrong. Because they trust you to be able to fix it. 

They know that when you are near, the bad things go away. Maybe they just need a cry, and know that in the safety of your arms... they can vulnerable. This is especially true of older babies.

Don't let doubt take away the knowledge that your children where given to you by God for a purpose. Not to anyone else, you. God thought you were the best thing they needed, and don't you forget it. 

Give yourself a break.

I bet you are your hardest critic.

Sorry to break it to you darlin'... but you're human. Trying to meet the needs perfectly of yet another human. Neither of you is perfect, and one of you has limited to no verbal communication skills. Of course you're occasionally going to have problems! 

You don't have to be the perfect mom. Nope, nope you don't. In fact, you can't be. 

Sometimes the baby will cry, and it's ok to just let them... cry. And sometimes the toddler will be freaking out for no reason you can find again, and it's ok to bribe them with a cookie and hope that that solves whatever problem they're having. 

Sometimes being a good mom is saying "I don't know what to do anymore, so I'm going to walk away before I do something I regret." 

Sometimes being a good mom is giving yourself a break and saying "I'm human too, and I'm  not gonna be able to do this perfectly, but I can do my best and God will take care of the rest." 

Most of all.. You are a great mom. Don't let anyone, including yourself, say otherwise.

Preparing for baby number two - Scarier and easier the second time.

So Wiggles is 11 months in 3 days. And we are due in 16 days. I'm a little panicked to say the least. 

But wanna know the surprising part? Yes, it's terrifying. I have NO idea how I'm going to meet Wiggles growing needs now that she's running, climbing stairs, and intensely interested in opening cupboards, AND meet the needs of a newborn. No idea. I can barely keep up with Wiggles now. 

But really? That's the only thing I'm worried about. I'm not worried about if I'm going to horribly scar this one for life. I got through one, I can handle another one. In that way, it's so much easier! With your first baby, you spend so much time worrying about if you're gonna be able to be a parent. I worry about that a lot less with this one. How I'm going to split up my time and not die of exhaustion.. yeah, that worry is there, but if that's all I worry about, that's the least of my problems. :) 

I found a lot of lists for how to get prepped for baby number two focused on children aged 2+. Which is hard for me. Because Wiggles is in a lot different place than a two year old is. Wiggles understands some basic commands, and has like... 5 words consistently(Mama, Dada, Bum, Hi, Yeah or Yey.). Trying to explain to her or prep her for the baby in ways that involve her understanding the changes coming is not going to happen. 

As for Flash, I never really got to SEE his baby phase. I first met him when he was three. :) Now that he's eight(Nearly), it's a lot easier on him to understand that a baby is coming and what that means.

So here is my list of how I personally prepared for baby number two when baby number one is still very little!  

1. Teach your toddler to play on their own a little bit. 

I spent a good portion of the last couple months teaching Wiggles to play on her own for at least an hour or two a day. Wiggles is, like a good portion of babies I've seen, is super social and more than happy to spend all her time snuggling or playing peek a boo, or just sopping up the mommy love.  Problem is, when we start breast feeding and there's a new baby who needs to be rocked and played with too, then this will get harder. So for a couple hours a day, I would put Wiggles on the floor, give her some toys, and let her go for it. Unless she hurts herself(It's tough learning to walk folks!), I pretty much let her be. Turns out this was a great idea, cause it directly led to point number two! 

2. Get that baby walking! 

I know SO many who say that life gets harder once baby starts walking. We found the opposite. Wiggles so wanted to be independent and able to go that the second she could start to walk, she did. 8 1/2 months. Running and stair climbing was next. Yes, it meant we had to safety guard all our cupboards, and our stairs... but you know what? I don't have to carry her everywhere, in fact, she gets mad if I do. Not only will this make things easier when the new baby comes, but it makes things easier when my one bathroom is upstairs and I'm the size of a baby orca. >.> Wiggles follows me upstairs and into the bathroom all on her own, I only have to carry her down, which helps my back. 

Seriously, if you can, get your first baby walking! 

3. Get baby number one on a schedule. A solid one. 

This doesn't mean that at 7:45 you get up, 8:00 is breakfast. Nope. Not what I mean. But your baby should have a good structure of things that they do at the same intervals pretty much every day. 

For example. Wiggles gets up around one of two times: 5 when dad wakes up so she can say hi to him, or 6:45 if she doesn't hear his alarm go off. She has a bottle and diaper change as soon as she wakes up, along with some cheerios or other cereal. Then she plays for about an hour, usually on her own. An hour and a half after she wakes up, she's ready for a nap, which is usually about an hour long. I right now use this play time and sleep time to get my dishes done, fold laundry, and get caught up on my internet work. Once she wakes up, we skype with Grandma about once every two days, we play some interactive games like peek a boo, or a passing game, if she's interested. She'll want another bottle about an hour or so after she wakes up from her nap, but no solids. By noon we're back on track most days. She comes up to me and rubs her eyes and sometimes says "Nini.". She gets put in her high chair, and she takes a 2.5 hour nap. This is my real power house part of the day. I make my menu, finish up my spot cleaning, make my grocery list, craft(If I have the time), get a good chunk of my to do list done. She wakes up usually about a 1/2 hour before dad gets home at 2:30. She then eats dinner with us, finger foods of whatever we're eating. Then she's up until about 7 if we're at home, about 9 if we're not. She gets a bottle with bed, and usually there's another one of juice or water thrown in throughout the day that she sips as she feels like. 

This schedule will help a ridiculous amount in the coming months, as long as we can stick to it. Having something stay the same when everything else changes is important.

4. Get out the baby stuff you just put away.

I know, you just dragged this stuff down into storage and now you're draggin' it back up again. Enjoy it, revel in the memories. :) Get that swing your kid hasn't wanted to be strapped into in months out, get out the swaddling blankets and those itty bitty baby clothes. Cry when you think of your first being that small. Get it all set up. Make these changes in phases so as to not overwhelm your firstborn with a sudden change of decor. Start naming these things "Baby swing." Or in our case "Miah's Swing". Wiggles understands that some things are hers, and some things aren't. This is helpful to her to understand that these things aren't hers. 

5. Stock up on those pantry foods!

The last thing you want to worry about after the baby is born is whether or not you have the food you need to feed your family. So stock up before hand. Take $20 out of each of your grocery budgets(I know, it's a lot for me too, but worth it later.) and stock up on things like pasta sauce, pasta, soups, canned beans, dried beans, Kraft dinner, hot dogs... whatever you gotta do to keep your family fed. Plan for lots of 'easy' meals in those first couple weeks after baby is born. 

6. Get your  hospital bag packed/Set up arrangements for baby #1, and pack their bag. 

I struggled with this one. I'm 37 weeks and 4 days.. and still no hospital bag packed. >.> It's kinda like admitting that yes, this is gonna happen, and I'm ready. I'm not ready yet. :P So I'm putting it off. But it's important that you have your bag packed well ahead of time. Make a list of things you'll need in your bag, and then get crackin'! (I'll make a post in the next couple days about what's in my bag). 

You also need to set up with someone to take your first when you go into labour, and pack them an overnight bag. Now, there will be some things in each bag you need to pack kinda as you run out the door. :) Make a list of these that is easy for your partner to understand and clothes pin or safety pin it in an easy to see spot on the bag so he can just grab what's needed and then go. 

7. Have a you night. 

You won't have one for awhile. Remember those first couple months when they feed, poop, and want to snuggle pretty much all the time? There's another one now. :) It's gonna be hard to get time alone. So enlist a baby sitter, or the hubby, and take some you time. Shop(Or window shop), bath, eat a meal you didn't make, snuggle with your husband... whatever you do to have you recharge time. 

8. Go on a date with your husband.

Those first couple months are hard. Spend some time showering your man with love. Chances are he's gonna feel a little pushed aside as you struggle with balancing two babies, physically recovering, and exhaustion. Take him out on a date, make his favourite dinner at home, take all the time you can to snuggle with and touch him. Let him know he's your number one, even if you're the size of an orca. 

9. Take some time with your first. 

Soon there's gonna be two of them to take up your time. Take time to treasure your first. Chances they're gonna be pretty confused and frustrated when the new baby comes. And frankly, they're really little! They need to know that mommy still loves them. Take extra time to really engage with your child. They grow so fast. 

10. Enjoy it. 

So many people seem to forget this(me included). This is an awesome time in your life! You're having another baby! Yes, it's gonna be hard. But what worth doing isn't? You get two little someones to love on, you get to watch your body change and a miracle happen. Remember to enjoy it, even when you're so tired, sore, and frustrated you could cry. God gives joy even in the hard seasons, and there's lots to thankful for! 

Well that's it! That's all I got for now. :) I hope this was helpful! 

- Adele

Biblical Womanhood Sunday: Appreciating my husband, 51 ways to show him I love him.

(Hey everyone, so this WAS written on Sunday. But then Wiggles got REALLY sick. Long story short, we went to the hospital, she's fine now, but my post is a little late.)

Appreciating my Husband: I fail so badly.

51 ways to show him I love him. 

You see this photo? There is a very specific reason I chose this photo for this post. It's not because I look great in it, or because it's some magical thing my kids did that I think the whole world should gawk at. No, I chose this photo because it, it's little bitty self, a bunch of pixels on a screen, so sums up my husband. 

He's got my daughter in one arm, his arm wrapped around my son with his other.. and his elbow is holding me up from toppling on the floor. And he looks so HAPPY to be right there, being the glue holding us together. 

That is who my husband is. He is the rock every person in my house leans on.

He is the smile on my childrens face everyday at 3:30 when he gets off work. He is play time, and prayer time, and that soft voice after they've been rebuked by his hard voice. He is snuggle time and love. 

For me? He is my rock. My calm in the storm. My voice of reason when my emotional side is out in la-la land ignoring half the facts. He is the one single person who I can honestly say gets me. All of me. Who knows my weaknesses, and who isn't afraid to tell me. The person who looks at me and in one question tears down my facade and sees where I'm struggling, and isn't afraid to poke a bit to get me back on track, especially when it comes to my spiritual walk. 

My husband is, I'm convinced, the entire reason God brought me all the way out to Ontario. Because the person he is making me... needs this man beside her. Not only as her mate, but as her friend, and accountability partner. This man, in all his craziness, draws me closer to the Lord everyday. Like no one else has. Through being with him... my being with Christ has become richer and more deep than any other time in my life. Why? Because HE leans on Christ. His whole world is permeated with the love of Jesus, and he wants nothing more than to see Christ glorified in my life. 

I love that about him. 

Now, here's the funny thing. I find it really hard to tell him these things. I find it really hard to sit down and express these things to him out loud. Sure, I can write them here... but practically putting them into actions is HARD. 

So this is my brainstorm if you'd like, of things to do for my husband to help him feel more appreciated. I'm going to make a list of 51. One every week for a whole year. And I'm going to do them all. Why? Because he deserves to know how much we love him. 

Some of these will involve our children, some not. I'll choose at the beginning of each week which I'm gonna do, and I'll cross them off my list. By this week next year, I'll have done all of them. I'll keep you guys filled in on the progress made. Please note: Not all of these will be things will be things that he will notice at first. Some of these things... are things that will just make his life easier. That's part of this. My husband works hard at a physically intensive job. Doing small things to make his life easier is one way I can show him I love him. 

Some of these are repeated. This is because these are things I know he really appreciates. 

1: Place at least one note a day around the house of things I appreciate about him. 

2: Send the kids to a babysitter for the night, make his favourite meal, plus his favourite dessert, and have us time. 

3: Have a 'I love Daddy' day with Flash and Wiggles. Make handprint Christmas ornaments, and write something they love about their dad on the other side.

4: Don't ask him to do anything the entire week. Let him walk in the house and do nothing but sit. If he offers, say no, he deserves to rest.

5. Enter every contest I can to get spitz(Sports team around here) tickets. Hopefully get some. Surprise him with a sports night for him and I. Don't complain of how long the game is taking. 

** If I can't get tickets, we will watch an nfl(Bengals) game at home, and I will make nachos and cheese, and try to cheer for the right team. XD

6. Make a solid effort to never interrupt him while he is speaking, the entire week. (I'm really bad for this and it's one of his biggest pet peeves.)

7: Have the house clean everyday when he gets home, no matter what it takes. He loves coming home to a clean house.

8: Give him back rubs. Do some research on massage. Give him one every night.

9: Get dressed up. Everyday. Do my makeup, get well dressed, shave, do my hair, everything. If he asks, let him know it's for him. 

10: Make him a coupon book full of favours and things he loves. 

11: Take time to cuddle with him at least once a day. 

12: Praise him verbally at least once a day. 

13: Make his favourite cookies. 

14: Clean the car out while he's at work. 

15: Find ways to touch him. His hand, his back... anything. Be extra aware of touch this week. 

16: Make all three of his favourite meals. have them ready for him when he walks in the door.

17: Don't complain. Let a whole week go by where only pleasantness passes your lips. 

18: Have a wii night with the kids. Talk to the kids before hand and let him choose all the levels and things. 

19: Send the kids to a babysitter for the night, make his favourite meal, plus his favourite dessert, and have us time.

20. Find ways to touch him. His hand, his back... anything. Be extra aware of touch this week.

21: Praise him verbally at least once a day. 

22: Get dressed up. Everyday. Do my makeup, get well dressed, shave, do my hair, everything. If he asks, let him know it's for him. 

23: Give him back rubs. Do some research on massage. Give him one every night.

24: Watch a game with him. Be interested. 

25: Kiss him. Everywhere. Anywhere. Take time at least once a day to kiss him outside of our normal good bye kisses. 

26: Get a babysitter. Have us time, even if that means just sitting on the couch and watching a movie cause we're so exhausted. 

27: Save up the pennies. Take him for dinner on me. 

28: Do a chore he normally does to make your life easier. For me this is laundry. It's hard for me going up and down the stairs while pregnant, so he does it. But he hates laundry. So I'll do it for a week, hopefully getting it all done, so he doesn't have to. 

29: Get up before he does and have breakfast ready before he goes to work. For those of us who are night owls, this one might be a big sacrifice. :)

30: Tell your kids the things you love about him. In front of him, and not. 

31: Clean the entire house as a surprise for him. Enlist the kids if possible, have them make a sign telling Daddy how much they love him. 

32: Let him nap. In fact, insist he naps. At least once this week. :) 

33: Spend a night watching his favourite show. Specifically one you hate. Don't complain, smile and like it. 

34: Don't ask him to do anything all week. Let him just relax. 

35: Let him nap. In fact, insist he naps, at least once this week. 

36: Make his lunches and have them ready for  him everyday this week. Go out of your way to make them special.

37: Praise him verbally at least once a day.

38: Wii night with the kids! 

39: Get dressed up everyday. Let him know it's for him. 

40: Have the kids help making a special meal for him. Set the table nicely, get the kids dressed up, have a meal you all love. Enjoy the night.

41: Take at least an hour every night to simply cuddle with your husband. A little physical touch goes a long way. 

42: Be extra kind. Be very aware of how you are dealing with your husband and children. Don't yell, don't snap. Let kindness permeate your life this week. 

43: Don't complain, let only pleasantness pass your lips this week. 

44: Have the kids make him breakfast in bed. Spend the morning cuddling as a family. Make a backup meal in case the kids meal turns out really bad. :P 

*****WARNING: These next things are sexual in nature. Nothing graphic, but lets be  honest wives out there, our husbands are sexual beings. To neglect these things from this list would be a shame. I debated a long time about putting these in here, but the Bible talks a lot about sex between husbands and wives, and God delights in sex in marriage, so we should too. So here goes.******

45: Initiate sexual activities. There really is no better way to let your husband know you still think he's sexy. 

46. Whisper to him how much you want him. At least ONCE this week. In public is better.

47: Wear something you knew he finds you unbearably sexy in. If this is underthings... let him know you're wearing them in a public place, or while he's at work.

48: Do something in bed you aren't super fond of, but he loves. Revel in it. Learn to enjoy it. Take pleasure in knowing that his pleasure is your pleasure. 

49: Tease him. Touch him intimately through out the day until all he can think about is you. Make sure to follow through at night. 

50: Initiate. 

51: Spend some time honestly talking about your sex life with your husband. Listen, don't take offense if he says something you don't like.

___ 

So there you have it ladies! My list! I'm going to start this next Sunday! I'll let you know how it goes! 

SAHM Saturday: Making Kids Feel Needed

Making Kids Feel Wanted. 

You know, lately I have been struck by how much Sam needs to be needed. 

He loves helping, and loves knowing that he has an important part in every family activity. He glows when he feels he is needed.

Now, this can be as simple as me letting him check off the items on our shopping list as we put them in the cart at the store... or going out of my way to play the helpless mom card and asking if there is any way he could do this for me, because I'm just not as strong as him as my big strong man. 

I think I have fallen into the trap before of believing that Sam just needs to know we need him, but doesn't need to have tangible ways he can prove he's needed, to prove that he is an important part of our household, and that we depend on him. 

I think as a boy who is just starting to learn that boys are different than girls, this is especially true of Sam. His father has been lately talking to him a lot about how to properly treat women, how men are to provide for their families, and work hard, and about Gods provision through everything. It's interesting to see that as Sam assimilates this teaching into his life, he naturally asks more if I've eaten(because of the baby), if I need anything, and if there's anything he can do to help. 

Now, his father is the same way, and in a very practical way, Sam is picking up on this and reflecting it back. As this happens I have found that Sam seems much more at ease around the home, and that he is generally a happier child. 

So please, take some time to let your child know you need them in the practical ways. Shower them with praise and let them know that they are indispensable to you. They will reflect that back with all the love and care their little hearts can muster. 

- Natasha