Struggling to Bond with Your Baby: It's Normal!

It's that moment, that moment you've been waiting 10 months for. You've been through 10 hours of labour, and finally he's here, your baby. Your hands reach out when they hand him to you, and you look down and see... 

A screaming, red, raisin. Where was the cute little baby you'd been promised? This wasn't him, this couldn't be him. This little thing is a stranger. And then the little raisin wants to nurse and it hurts and he's up every 2 hours and you just want to sleep. You think of your 1 year old back home who you love so much, and then the guilt sets in. Why don't you love this baby like you love that one? 

...

This was me six months ago. I remember my mom coming down and asking me how I was doing a couple days after Jeremiah was born, and I broke down. Because I didn't love this baby. I mean sure, I was gonna keep him alive, and we were nursing, and I didn't want anything bad to happen to him... but I didn't love him either. He was a stranger, and a mean one at that! 

I felt so bad. 

And you know what my mom said to me? "Yeah. Sometimes it happens like that. You gotta get to know them first. It'll come, but for now, I'm sorry." 

Just like that. Oh right, that. No accusations of child abuse, no hatred, no whispered rumours about how I'm a terrible mom. Just a quiet understanding of how hard it is. 

Sometimes bonding doesn't happen in that moment. Sometimes that perfect moment, isn't so perfect. 

Six months later, I can now say that I adore Jeremiah. I love his perfect little smiles, I love his awesome little giggles. I love how he prefers me to his dad. (Score one for mom!) 

But I didn't then. With Elsie I had that moment. That moment where you first see them and you just love them. I didn't with Miah, and apparently, I'm not the only one. 

Turns out, lots of moms have this issue. Lots of moms look at their children for the first couple weeks/months and think "Who the heck are you and why won't you sleep and why do you want to nurse again, don't you know my nipples hurt?" Turns out, it's normal too. 

To the new mom who is googling this topic. IT IS NORMAL. 

To the grandma who never struggled and is trying to understand her daughter: IT IS NORMAL. 

To the friend who wants to assure her new mom friend: IT IS NORMAL. 

Sometimes you gotta get to know them first. Sometimes... sometimes you have to be the adult in the relationship and take care of that baby even when somewhere deep in your heart, you're angry and resentful and you're sleep deprived and you just want to let him cry for a bit. 

Moms, just keep holding that baby. Keep feeding him, keep getting up and rocking him. One day you will look at him and think "I love you." And you will mean it. Someday you'll look at that little baby and he won't be a stranger anymore. Someday he'll look at you and your heart will melt. I can't promise it will be today, I can't promise it'll be tomorrow. But it'll come. And maybe it won't BE that shiny moment that you're told to expect. Maybe it'll be that one day you wake up and you're happy to see him. And that's good too. 

Moms, IT'S NORMAL. Needing to get to know your child is normal.  

Do me a favour? Call someone, tell them you need help.

You don't have to do any of this alone. No one does. Whether you are struggling to bond, or had that blissful moment of bonding, or you are struggling with just getting up to care for your child... you are NOT alone. There are thousands of moms just like you out there, struggling to bond too, and there are those who have been there before, whose hearts break for you. Who are praying for you, the mom who is reading this post in a panic because she can't stand to hold this screaming ball of sleeplessness anymore. 

Hold on. Someday IS coming. 

I'm praying for you.

Natasha

Now, there is a caution here. If you find yourself so upset you can't care for your baby, or you think you might hurt your baby, get help. Call your mom, your dad, your best friend, your OB or Midwife, call a help line, get someone to come over. Go to someone you trust and tell them you need help. Tell them what you are thinking and they can help you get help. Please. 

Gender Reveal, Kid #3, Pregnancy, and finally getting excited!

Ok everyone! So we went for ultrasound number 4 last week... and the baby is... A BOY! 

Yey!

Flash and Caleb wanted a boy SO BADLY. I mean when we told Flash that Wiggles was a girl he pouted for 3 days about how he wanted a brother before he got over it and started loving his sister. It's so funny now, cause when he gives me hugs, he gives my stomach one for his brother too. I think he's more excited than I am.

As for how this pregnancy is going, have any other moms out there noticed that with any child but your first, you don't have time to worry or sometimes even notice you're pregnant? Seriously, with the first one, that's all I thought about, was being pregnant. Now I'm so busy running after Wiggles and keeping my house in order, if I have time once a day to maybe do a kick count... I'm lucky. By this time in my first pregnancy I had been to the hospital twice. This time my midwife asks me if anything is wrong and I answer honestly, "If there is, I don't have time to notice.  No blood, so that's good..." She just laughs and says "Yeah, it's like that with the second."

On the other hand, I feel like this entire pregnancy I was living in a haze of "Oh my Gosh... 2 under 1..." And kinda freaking out. Now that I have a name, and can put a 'person' on this little thing that kicks the crap outta my bladder most days... I'm starting to actually look forward to having this baby, as opposed to just dread. Which is super exciting for me. It helps that Flash is so excited, his excitement is catching I tell you!

So so far, everything is good. In the next little bit you're gonna see more posts on labour and baby and getting prepared. We're making all efforts to go naturally with this one, so I'm stressing, so that's where my mind is. :P

- Adele

Being Pregnant... Sucks... and Is the Greatest Thing Ever... All in One.

So I'm 24 weeks pregnant today, and you wanna know something? It sucks. People say being pregnant is the most wonderful thing a woman could ever experience. And they may even be right. But what people forget to tell you along the way is that being pregnant isn't all cute adorable little kicks and smiles at a moving tummy.

Pregnancy sucks.

Pregnancy is aching backs, and morning sickness that is not confined to the morning, and aching stomach muscles because that little baby is pushing as hard as they can against them. It's having cravings for food, and always being hungry, but never wanting to eat. It's insomnia and heart burn and not being able to walk like a normal person. It's crying over stupid things, and getting to fat for all your clothes, and getting the worst acne you've had since you were 13. It's being exhausted all the time, and the most rank morning breath you'll ever have, no matter how often you brush your teeth. It's peeing a little whenever you laugh, and desperately having to pee every two minutes... only to go to the bathroom and pee about a tablespoon worth of urine. It's hemorrhoids and being constipated for four days at a time. It's taking four pills a night just so you get the right amount of nutrients to support the budding life inside you. It's your feet and ankles swelling so much you can't fit them in your cute shoes anymore.

Pregnancy sucks.

BUT. 

Pregnancy is also pretty freaking awesome too.

Pregnancy is feeling those first little flutters of movement and stopping for fifteen minutes and staring at your stomach, hoping it happens again, because it was the coolest stinking thing you've ever felt. It's having an excuse to eat an extra plate at dinner... and your doctor and family don't judge you. It's getting to get a whole new wardrobe to fit your expanding body. It's people petting your stomach, and letting you butt them in the bathroom line. It's watching your husbands face light up as he sees or feels those kicks you've been feeling for awhile. It's having your other kids ask you every two minutes if the baby is awake because they're so excited to get to know that baby they want to feel every little movement they can. It's overwhelming love you didn't know was possible for that little bean inside you. It's singing and feeling that baby kick on the beat, and    poking your stomach and feeling them poke back.

Yeah, it's pretty awesome.

Well worth it. 

Natasha