Lately I have been reflecting on how fast children grow. When I first met Flash, he had just turned 3. He ran across the church to his dad, screaming "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadyyyyy!" At the top of his lungs. Caleb leaned down and that little boy was in his arms so fast, you'd think the world was ending. They both had the biggest smiles on their faces, and Flash was chattering away about Sunday school.
Now Flash is six, and just finishing grade one, and I am stunned by how much he has changed. He still runs across the church to see his dad, but it's no longer on chubby baby legs. He reads to us instead of us reading to him. He uses words like appropriate and humongous. He asks questions that I hadn't considered until I was 10 years old. Instead of needing help to tie has shoes, he helps me get the diaper bag and Wiggles ready to go out the door. Everyday he does something else that stuns me or melts my heart.
And then Wiggles... she's three months old already. Three months. I look back at pictures of newborn Elsie and it seems... surreal. She has developed her own little personality. She loves people and sleeping on her stomach, and snuggling as she sleeps. She is so different, and it seems I blinked and bam! She's suddenly 3 months old.
This song makes me cry. Because its true, it wont be like this for long. I want to treasure every moment with our children. Because it wont be like this for long.
If these last couple months of being a mom have taught me anything, it's that my discipline is.. lacking to say the least. I struggle with the simplest of tasks sometimes. Just getting the discipline to get out of bed and put myself through my routine seems like a monumental task some days. Often the things that get missed are the things that are most important, Bible reading, prayer time, and spending quality time with my husband or children.
Of course, this isn't just contributed to by my lack of discipline, it's also contributed to by my supreme laziness, and my stunning ability to worry. All sins.
I have no discipline, thus I don't do things I need to do, such as Bible reading. I'm lazy, so I put off my chores, which I then use as an excuse not to read my Bible or pray, then when I have time with my children or Caleb... I worry about the things I'm not getting done that I could have done earlier if I'd just had more discipline and been less lazy. Nasty.
I'm embarrassed to say, this is not an abnormal day in my life.
This is my commitment to prayerfully change. I want the full blessings God can pour out on my life, and my own shortcomings are getting in the way. But God can change that in me, and give me a new heart.
Elsie was born Dec 26, 2012. Wanna see a picture? I know you do! Here you go!
She was born a healthy 8 lbs 6 ounces, 21.5 inches long. In 11 weeks she's grown to 12 lbs, and just over 2 feet long.
My life was a whirlwind after Elsie was born. I mean a whirlwind. The last two months of my pregnancy were wrought with false alarms, nausea, and ridiculous amounts of eating... but nothing could have prepared me for the trial by fire of labor, and those first couple months. It's just now I'm starting to feel like my life has some routine and structure again. We've settled into a sort of routine. It's a little messy, and sometimes... it doesn't work. But most of the time, life goes on. Josh has been a huge blessing these last couple months. When I felt like my whole world was crashing in, he was there to show me the pieces weren't falling, they were just rearranging themselves a bit. He has really stepped up to the plate as a husband and a father, and I couldn't be more proud of him.
Well, today I want to talk to those moms of newborns and say...
IT GETS BETTER.
With a newborn, it seems like your routine is never, ever, ever, gonna come back. Seriously. You wake up and it seems like you spend all your time nursing, or changing diapers, or cuddling a screaming baby. There's no set time, there's no rhyme or reason to it. Your house is a disaster and forget about home cooked meals, and you're so exhausted that even if you had a couple minutes where that little one isn't demanding your attention... you wouldn't have the energy to do them.
Well ladies, I'm here to tell you: It gets better. Those first couple months will fly by, and then one day you'll wake up, you'll feed her... and then you'll put her down. Or you'll strap her into a sling, or a bouncy chair. Then you'll do your dishes, and do a spot clean. Then she'll be awake and want to play, so you smile and coo, and then turn on the Backyardigans, because they're bright and full of music, which her little ears love. You'll know you maybe have two episodes to fold laundry, and finish off those dishes, and maybe scrub your kitchen a bit, maybe if you're really lucky, you'll get a meal in there. Then she'll want to be fed again, so you feed her, and then nap time. But this time she'll want to be held, so take some time to work out your menu or do some blogging on your computer with her sleeping on your lap. Then she'll wake up smiling and happy and your heart will skip a beat because you look down at her... and you couldn't imagine loving anyone more. The rest of your day continues like this, 15 minutes of cleaning here, 20 minutes of holding her there... and tad dah, it's suddenly time for your husband to come home. Dinners maybe not made, but the house is kinda cleaned and the baby is happy. You look back and you might realize... today was a good day. And that lately, a lot of days have been good days!
You found the rhythm again.
It'll sneak up on you. Quiet like.
It won't be one day you suddenly have it down. It'll be one day you pulled yourself up and forced yourself into working when you were exhausted. It'll be one day you listened to her scream for 20 minutes while you cried and did dishes because you knew it was okay for her to have a couple minutes alone, even if it broke your heart to hear her miss you. It'll be those moments when she first smiles at you, or gives that little belly laugh when she sees you. It'll be that time when you realize that she prefers you over everyone else. It won't be one momentous occasion. But that doesn't make it any less special.
So hold on there new moms. It gets better. You won't always be frazzled, you won't always feel like a tornado hit your home and somehow you have to clean up the pieces, you won't always feel like a vending machine. I promise. Just hang in there a couple more days, and suddenly your days will be good ones again.