Why I Wear Skirts: My Thoughts On Pleasing Your Husband.

If you were to ever look at a picture of me... ever, you'll see that I wear skirts. Lots of them. All the time. I've had people assume that this was a matter of conviction. That I believe that in skirts lies the answer to modesty. 

It's not though. 

It has almost nothing to do with modesty. But it has everything to do with pleasing my husband. 

My husband likes to look at me in skirts. 

When he sees me in a skirt, with my hair down and my makeup on(It's a hard thing for a mom of two under 2 to accomplish people!), his eyes glaze over a bit, and then that look happens. That one that melts me right to the core, and I know that he is fiercely attracted to me in that moment. It has nothing to do with the skin I'm baring, or how tight my clothes are. It has everything to do with how in that moment, he knows that I am wearing it for him. 

Yes, I believe that for my body type, skirts are the most modest choice. I'm hippy and curvy, and pants always seem to grab in just the wrong places. But I could find pants that worked if I wanted to. But I want to please my husband, so I wear skirts. I hated it at first, but there are a couple of Biblical principles that changed my mind. And not a single one of them has to do with modesty. 

It has to do with capturing my husbands attention. Does this verse look familiar to any one? 

Proverbs 5: 18-21 (KJV)

18. Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.

19. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

20. And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?

21. For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he pondereth all his goings.

Yes, I realize this is a warning for men, but I think in there is a note for women too. You are to satisfy your husband at all times, and part of that is on him...  but I think part of that is on wives too! If you know your husband likes to see you with your hair down, let that hair go every once in awhile. If you know your husband likes to see you in blue... wear it. Find out what makes him look at you and think "I'm married to her. I can't believe God gave me her." Of course,  unless you are in your bedroom, stick in the realm of modesty here ladies. 

In our society, pleasing your partner has become a thing of the past. It's all about the bottom line, all about what I can get for me. What does it benefit me to run around in clothes that make it harder to chase after toddlers, or leave my hair down for Miah to pull on? It doesn't, but it does benefit my husband. 

Notice something that verse links to being satisfied with your wife? Not being satisfied with the strange woman. I want my husbands eyes to be so captured by me he doesn't have time to look at that woman who wore the yoga pants and to small shirt to run in. For the sake of his spiritual life, I want him to not feel the need to look. Men are visual beings ladies! Their eyes are drawn to look in the same way womens minds are drawn to fantasy. It leads them to sin. So help them along!

I can already hear the protests in the background! 

"But it's not my job to make sure my husband doesn't sin! It's his! I can dress how I want, I'm a 21st century woman! Do you want to send us back to the stone age?" 

I beg to differ. What if some of the responsibility does lie with women, with wives? What if being attractive to my husband is part of being a good wife? Sure, men are responsible for their eyes, but why shouldn't wives help? Now, am I saying you should wear a shirt that is to low cut to be considered modest because your husband enjoys your breasts? No, of course not. But maybe you wear his favourite bra and let him know it before you leave the house. He will be so distracted by the idea of that bra that hopefully he won't care about the other breasts that are constantly on display in our day and age. 

Captivate him ladies. He would have to a saint not to struggle to keep his eyes pure in this society. Help him keep them full of the one person he's allowed to look at without guilt. YOU. 

- Natasha

Two Children under One: Thought of a Mom who's been there

When I tell people I have two children under  one who are not twins.. I get one of two reactions. 

I get the "Well you must be busy.." mixed with this "You're crazy lady" expression, or I get the longing sigh and "You're so lucky..." 

I have never once gotten another reaction. Reaction number one far outweighs reaction two. 

But people seem so misinformed about this topic, and new moms certainly don't get any info about spacing their children close together. So I'm here to talk about my experiences and the pros and cons of this stage of my life. 

I'm gonna talk about the cons first, and then get you into the good stuff. 

My body didn't have time to recover

My hips are still out of whack three months after Miahs birth because they never really had a chance to recover after Elsie. Miahs pregnancy was harder on me for things like walking and climbing stairs for this same reason. But it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be at all. 

We had a hard time bonding at first

This one was hard on me. I remember looking at Josh at 3 weeks with Miah screaming to nurse and Elsie screaming cause she wanted to be cuddled and saying "I'm a horrible mom, I don't love him. It's like he's not even mine, I don't even know him!" 

I remember feeling such guilt that I didn't bond instantly with him like I did with Elsie. With Elsie I spent every minute of my pregnancy bonding with her. By the time she came out, I already knew her. I didn't have the time to focus on Miah with his pregnancy. I was to busy chasing around my newly walking toddler.

  When he was born... I loved him... but I was also pretty resentful, because I wanted to spend time with Elsie, but this little baby wanted to nurse and it hurt(we struggled with a bad latch), and I was so tired, and I didn't know this little baby like I knew Elsie. 

I actually remember the first time I looked at him and honestly said "Mommy loves you." I cried for almost an hour after I realized I honestly meant it. That was around 2 months. I called Josh and he said "You've meant it the entire time... you were just really overwhelmed." 

You will struggle with Mommy-guilt like never before.

I still struggle with this. Toddlers take up a lot of time. So do newborns. You will not have enough time. One of them will always need you, often times both will need you. Your house will always be a mess, your dinners will always feel slapped together, and you will always be exhausted from lack of sleep. That's just par for the course. What people don't tell you is the mommy-guilt will get you. 

"Do I hold him enough?" "Does she know I still love her?" "Does he need to nurse more often?" "I held her all the time and he spends so much time in his swing..." "Am I stimulating them enough?" "He's a little behind in milestones... is it my fault?"

You'll think these things all the time. And really, there's no way to answer them. You're doing the best you can and if they are alive at the end of the day... GO YOU! 

Your older one might struggle with Jealousy and even violent outbursts.

For a couple months we dealt with Elsie hitting Miah whenever he was nursing or crying and I had to pick him up, just from sheer jealousy. I really had to be careful to play with her and snuggle her and tell her Miah was "Her baby." She struggled a bit with the protective sister instinct and the "I want my parents." jealousy... but now she's mostly fine, gives him a soother and bottles and rocks him and holds him. But be prepared for some fights along the way, maybe even a couple meltdowns.

-*-

Now... I know, it seems like "Well then why would you ever do that?" because the pros are so great. 

They play together.

My children are so interested in each other. Elsie is completely fascinated by Miah, and Miah loves Elsie. He always gives her these adorable little smiles. Elsie sings to him and dances with him, and when he gets up in the morning, she's super excited. They play together really well, and something tells me this will only get better as they get older. 

Nursing was easier.

I was already used to nursing after Elsie, so nursing Miah was no biggie at all. I also knew what to expect, so I wasn't so discouraged when those first couple days were hard. 

Pregnancy and Labour were easier.

Remember how my hips didn't go back and it causes my problems now? Well, it didn't in labour. It was amazing in labour with my pain level and speed of labour. Pregnancy also rocked in some ways, because first off, I didn't have time to think about being pregnant while chasing around Elsie. I didn't struggle with the severe hip pain and back pain I did with Elsie, because my hips and back were already where they needed to be. Overall, the entire experience of the pregnancy itself was easier. 

You already have all that baby stuff out.

I hate sorting away my baby stuff. Because I know I'm just going to have to drag it out later anyways. When I got pregnant again, I was so excited that I didn't have to put away the crib or the bouncy chair or the high chair, or the ridiculous amount of baby toys we have around.. it was all going to be used again right away. 

You're already sleep deprived.

I kid you not. This I think made those first couple months easier. We were already sleep deprived. Elsie was already getting up at night and crying while she teethed, so adding a nursing baby didn't really make a difference in our ability to function. We never really got back in the habit of sleeping through the night anyways. 

We have such fun.

When you space out your kids... you get used to doing big kids things, like going to the park... and then you realize that you have a little baby now and those things are a lot harder. It can be a resentful moment. I didn't have this with Miah. We were already playing baby games,  it was already hard to get out of the door. My kids are so happy and I have learned to love peek a boo and pat a cake. 

I can totally see why someone who choose to space out their children. I totally get it. But I think having them close is also awesome, and I think I'm gonna do it again, not this next one, but the one after that. Because it really is an adventure, and it's a lot of fun. 

- Natasha