Two Children under One: Thought of a Mom who's been there

When I tell people I have two children under  one who are not twins.. I get one of two reactions. 

I get the "Well you must be busy.." mixed with this "You're crazy lady" expression, or I get the longing sigh and "You're so lucky..." 

I have never once gotten another reaction. Reaction number one far outweighs reaction two. 

But people seem so misinformed about this topic, and new moms certainly don't get any info about spacing their children close together. So I'm here to talk about my experiences and the pros and cons of this stage of my life. 

I'm gonna talk about the cons first, and then get you into the good stuff. 

My body didn't have time to recover

My hips are still out of whack three months after Miahs birth because they never really had a chance to recover after Elsie. Miahs pregnancy was harder on me for things like walking and climbing stairs for this same reason. But it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be at all. 

We had a hard time bonding at first

This one was hard on me. I remember looking at Josh at 3 weeks with Miah screaming to nurse and Elsie screaming cause she wanted to be cuddled and saying "I'm a horrible mom, I don't love him. It's like he's not even mine, I don't even know him!" 

I remember feeling such guilt that I didn't bond instantly with him like I did with Elsie. With Elsie I spent every minute of my pregnancy bonding with her. By the time she came out, I already knew her. I didn't have the time to focus on Miah with his pregnancy. I was to busy chasing around my newly walking toddler.

  When he was born... I loved him... but I was also pretty resentful, because I wanted to spend time with Elsie, but this little baby wanted to nurse and it hurt(we struggled with a bad latch), and I was so tired, and I didn't know this little baby like I knew Elsie. 

I actually remember the first time I looked at him and honestly said "Mommy loves you." I cried for almost an hour after I realized I honestly meant it. That was around 2 months. I called Josh and he said "You've meant it the entire time... you were just really overwhelmed." 

You will struggle with Mommy-guilt like never before.

I still struggle with this. Toddlers take up a lot of time. So do newborns. You will not have enough time. One of them will always need you, often times both will need you. Your house will always be a mess, your dinners will always feel slapped together, and you will always be exhausted from lack of sleep. That's just par for the course. What people don't tell you is the mommy-guilt will get you. 

"Do I hold him enough?" "Does she know I still love her?" "Does he need to nurse more often?" "I held her all the time and he spends so much time in his swing..." "Am I stimulating them enough?" "He's a little behind in milestones... is it my fault?"

You'll think these things all the time. And really, there's no way to answer them. You're doing the best you can and if they are alive at the end of the day... GO YOU! 

Your older one might struggle with Jealousy and even violent outbursts.

For a couple months we dealt with Elsie hitting Miah whenever he was nursing or crying and I had to pick him up, just from sheer jealousy. I really had to be careful to play with her and snuggle her and tell her Miah was "Her baby." She struggled a bit with the protective sister instinct and the "I want my parents." jealousy... but now she's mostly fine, gives him a soother and bottles and rocks him and holds him. But be prepared for some fights along the way, maybe even a couple meltdowns.

-*-

Now... I know, it seems like "Well then why would you ever do that?" because the pros are so great. 

They play together.

My children are so interested in each other. Elsie is completely fascinated by Miah, and Miah loves Elsie. He always gives her these adorable little smiles. Elsie sings to him and dances with him, and when he gets up in the morning, she's super excited. They play together really well, and something tells me this will only get better as they get older. 

Nursing was easier.

I was already used to nursing after Elsie, so nursing Miah was no biggie at all. I also knew what to expect, so I wasn't so discouraged when those first couple days were hard. 

Pregnancy and Labour were easier.

Remember how my hips didn't go back and it causes my problems now? Well, it didn't in labour. It was amazing in labour with my pain level and speed of labour. Pregnancy also rocked in some ways, because first off, I didn't have time to think about being pregnant while chasing around Elsie. I didn't struggle with the severe hip pain and back pain I did with Elsie, because my hips and back were already where they needed to be. Overall, the entire experience of the pregnancy itself was easier. 

You already have all that baby stuff out.

I hate sorting away my baby stuff. Because I know I'm just going to have to drag it out later anyways. When I got pregnant again, I was so excited that I didn't have to put away the crib or the bouncy chair or the high chair, or the ridiculous amount of baby toys we have around.. it was all going to be used again right away. 

You're already sleep deprived.

I kid you not. This I think made those first couple months easier. We were already sleep deprived. Elsie was already getting up at night and crying while she teethed, so adding a nursing baby didn't really make a difference in our ability to function. We never really got back in the habit of sleeping through the night anyways. 

We have such fun.

When you space out your kids... you get used to doing big kids things, like going to the park... and then you realize that you have a little baby now and those things are a lot harder. It can be a resentful moment. I didn't have this with Miah. We were already playing baby games,  it was already hard to get out of the door. My kids are so happy and I have learned to love peek a boo and pat a cake. 

I can totally see why someone who choose to space out their children. I totally get it. But I think having them close is also awesome, and I think I'm gonna do it again, not this next one, but the one after that. Because it really is an adventure, and it's a lot of fun. 

- Natasha

When You Are Overwhelmed: When everything is falling apart

If you're a parent... you've been there. Those days when it seems nothing is going right. 

The baby won't stop screaming, you're covered in pee or other bodily fluids, the toddler is throwing a hissy fit, and you can just feel the judgemental stares of that little old lady following you as you try to bounce one and get the other under control, and neither is working. 

Yeah. We've all been there. 

For me lately it's been hard. Miah's colicy, which means he screams for hours. With  no real reason. Lately people have started calling this "Purple crying." I don't care what it is... it is horrible. 

Add that to the fact that I am the only person in the world he won't take a soother from, and the only person who can't calm him down, no matter what I do... And Miah is a tough nut to crack. 

Wiggles has just started her jealous phase. As soon as I nurse Miah, or Caleb holds him... she hits him. Hard. With no warning. The problem is sometimes she's gentle and loving and we want to encourage that, so we can't just keep him constantly out of reach. Her little personality has really developed over the last little bit. She's opinionated, stubborn, and is 1 going on 13 I swear.

My house is never clean anymore. I gave up on it. There are ground up soda crackers in the carpet, and baby clothes scattered everywhere cause Wiggles loves to play with them, and somehow it always seems that dishes are never fully done.

Combine all this with sleep deprivation, and you have one very overwhelmed Mama.

But here's somethings to remember for all of you in the same boat I am. 

God understands.

I know, I know, some of you are sitting here thinking "Really Adele, really?" But no everyone, hear me out. When you are in the midst of a tandem screaming session and neither baby wants to be calmed, or your toddler is freaking out and the baby needs to be nursed and you can't fix both... It seems like you are all alone. It feels like no one understands how tired and frustrated and inadequate you feel. 

God does. 

Cry out to him for wisdom, for strength, for patience, and he'll give it! Take your heart ache before your heavenly Father and he promises that he will meet your needs. Trying to get through this challenging time without the Lord is a bad idea. This is not the time to pull away from God, but rather a time to draw every nearer to him. 

This is only for a season.

Your baby won't always be up all night screaming, and colic eventually goes away. That toddler will develop some manners and will learn obedience if you use some persistence and care. One day that baby will rock himself to sleep and you will sleep through the night again. 

This will not last forever. Everything will adjust itself out eventually, you just gotta wait it out. That blissful six months stage is coming! 

You are the best possible thing for your children right now.

It's so tempting when you're overwhelmed to think "I bet (insert other mothers name), would be better for my kids." Or it's tempting to have thoughts of running away or giving up. 

Oh Mama... you are the very best thing for your child right now. No one knows them like you, probably not even your husband knows them like you. Yes, it seems like you are the last person they need. It seems like you're never going to get this right, but think of it this way. 

These babies are taking the time to voice that something is wrong. Because they trust you to be able to fix it. 

They know that when you are near, the bad things go away. Maybe they just need a cry, and know that in the safety of your arms... they can vulnerable. This is especially true of older babies.

Don't let doubt take away the knowledge that your children where given to you by God for a purpose. Not to anyone else, you. God thought you were the best thing they needed, and don't you forget it. 

Give yourself a break.

I bet you are your hardest critic.

Sorry to break it to you darlin'... but you're human. Trying to meet the needs perfectly of yet another human. Neither of you is perfect, and one of you has limited to no verbal communication skills. Of course you're occasionally going to have problems! 

You don't have to be the perfect mom. Nope, nope you don't. In fact, you can't be. 

Sometimes the baby will cry, and it's ok to just let them... cry. And sometimes the toddler will be freaking out for no reason you can find again, and it's ok to bribe them with a cookie and hope that that solves whatever problem they're having. 

Sometimes being a good mom is saying "I don't know what to do anymore, so I'm going to walk away before I do something I regret." 

Sometimes being a good mom is giving yourself a break and saying "I'm human too, and I'm  not gonna be able to do this perfectly, but I can do my best and God will take care of the rest." 

Most of all.. You are a great mom. Don't let anyone, including yourself, say otherwise.

My Experiences : Birth with OB Vs. Birth with Mifewife

I can now happily say I have given birth to two beautiful children, and both were incredibly unique experiences, partially because of who I chose to be my primary care giver in this wonderful time. I hear debate all the time about OB's vs. Midwives, and now that I have experienced both, I'd like to chime in and give my two cents. Because what is a blog for if not to share your viewpoints with everyone. :P 

First off, I want to talk about the things that were similar, and then we'll talk about the things that were different, and whether or not I liked them. 

With both caregivers, MW and OB, I found that my care was thorough. In Canada, they are required to run all the same tests, keep all the same records, and give the same options. I never felt with either care giver that my care lacked in any way. 

... 

That was about were the similarities stopped. 

1. Atmosphere

Right from the moment I stepped into my midwives office... I knew it was different. The waiting room, rather than being a typical waiting room, was filled with comfy wicker chairs and toys for little ones to play with, which was great for Wiggles. At my OB's, they had a tiny waiting room packed with 13 chairs so tightly pressed together it made you feel like a sardine in a can. The atmosphere at the midwives was totally different, and a lot more relaxing, at least to me. 

This also carried over into each caregivers interactions with me personally. I found that I got to actually know my midwife as she was a lot more warm and open, where my OB was in and out and very clinical and never really interested in how I was actually feeling or how things were going beyond me passing my routine tests.

2. Value As Human Being

At the OB, I never felt like my OB really knew me. This was confirmed when she saw me in the emergency room, and was like "I think you're my patient, aren't you? What's your name again?" I was seeing her every week. On the other hand, my midwife called on her holiday off to make sure that Miah had turned from transverse because she knew it was causing me a lot of pain.

3. Explanation of Care

I had the option to refuse any care with a midwife, and had things thoroughly explained to me before I made any choices. This was a huge one for me. 

With my OB, I was put through lots of tests. Glucose tests, GBS swabs, weigh ins, ultrasounds... name it. I never really got solid answers from her about why these things needed to be done. This culminated in my birth, when I was given a 3 inch episiotomy with little or no warning, and no explanation of what it would mean for my long term care or recovery. 

Where as with my midwife... I did all those same tests, but voluntarily. I was given my requisition sheet, and I had the option to go or to not go. They would thoroughly explain the reasons of why I should, and why I might choose not to... and then let me decide. This culminated in while I was in labour with Miah, being thoroughly explained why she thought she should break my water and stop the back labour so I could move on and get the baby out. I was also informed of the risks and the consequences if nothing changed. I felt much more... in control with my midwife. This made me much more relaxed, and much more able to cope with the stress of labour and pregnancy. 

4. Illness Driven VS. Pregnancy Driven 

I found that with my OB, pregnancy was looked at like an illness. A list of 'symptoms' adorned her walls, and she was always looking for something wrong, and honestly seemed to believe that being pregnant was something that needed to be controlled and fixed as much as possible. Not only did this go against my own belief system that pregnancies and babies are a gift from God, and my body was made to do this very special thing... but it stressed me out every time I went there as she listed off all the things that could go wrong at any point. 

With my midwife, I found that my pregnancy was viewed not as a sickness, but as a blessing. It was never assumed that something must be wrong because I was pregnant, never assumed that my 'symptoms' needed to be replaced with medication. There was no pressure to conform to the perfect pregnancy, no feeling that somehow there was impending doom looming around the corner. 

5. Who I Saw

My cities OB's have a system set up that one OB is on call for all the babies born on specific days, and they rotate. Which means you have a 1/12(at least) chance of actually seeing your OB for your birth. Most likely you'll be seen by an OB you have never met before. 

My midwife was there for me every step of the way, and I had no doubt that she, or my choice of other midwife if she was truly unavailable, like at another birth, would be at my birth. 

6. Induction Vs. Natural

When Wiggles was born, I went into the hospital the day after my due date thinking my water might have broken. When the OB on call discovered I was dilated 3 cm, they asked if I wanted to induce. I was an idiot and said yes. This led to an incredibly hard labour. 

With my midwife, even though I was uncomfortable and huge, she explained to me the reason she couldn't even sweep my membrane for the last week, and how my cervix was far back, and how she knew yes, it hurt and yes, I was miserable, but this baby would come in it's own time. He ended up coming three days later, and his labour was so much easier. 

7. Labour

This point should really have it's own post. There's that much to say in here. 

We already addressed who was actually at my birth a little bit, but there was more to it than that. With my OB birth and induction, there were constantly people in the room, checking me, prodding me, making sure the many chords that were attached to me weren't getting tangled... everything. This made it pretty much impossible to move to help the contractions not be so painful, and was very effective at making me feel very small and alone. I labour for 13 hours with Wiggles, 7 of those medicated with the epidural because the pitocin made my contractions so strong that even nitrous oxide(Which was pain relief enough for transition during Miah's birth) wasn't working for pain relief during first stage labour. When I was finally fully dilated, Wiggles wouldn't turn so she came down the birth canal. Instead of telling me to stop pushing, the nurses let me push for 1 1/2 hours before the OB finally came in and said "Why are you still pushing, baby isn't going anywhere." This led to me being so swollen and sore that at 5 weeks postpartum I was still wincing in pain when I sat down. After they had to use forceps to deliver her, Wiggles was taken away from me and I was stitched up, which stressed me out cause all I wanted to do was hold her. 

With my midwife, I labour for several hours at home before we went to the hospital, and when we were there, it was Caleb, my MW, and I in the room. Twice a nurse came in, once to take my blood for a MRSA test, and once to check on Miah after he was born to make sure he was ok caused he had pooped inutero. There was a secondary midwife who was there, which was nice. I never once felt like this was something scary, at least not coming from them. When I was so scared to push without drugs(cause of what it did to me with Wiggles) that I begged for the epidural, my midwife very calmly looked at me and said "It's to late, but you can do this. You are doing so great." An hour later I was pushing and it was such a relief. I wanted to push, and it felt good. not horrible like I expected... anyways. After labour I had no stitches needed, and I got to hold him indefinitely with no pressure to feel like I had to rush to get out of the bed or to give him up for testing. It was wonderful. 

8. Post-Labour

After Wiggles was born, we were stuck in the hospital for 2 days, and until I had a bowel movement, they wouldn't let me leave. It was possibly the most painful and utterly humiliating thing I have ever done to have my bowel and urinary movements tracked by a nurse, for no reason that I knew of. I got some pretty hard pressure from the nurses to give Wiggles formula, and they were adamant about some of the tests that needed to be done, that honestly I didn't feel needed to be done, but I couldn't leave without them. 

With my midwife, we gave birth at 11:23, and I was gone from the hospital by 2:30. There was no reason for us to stick around. I was feeling well enough to walk, and Miah was measuring well... there was no reason for us to stay, and it was SO nice to go home and sleep in our own bed, and eat our own food. 

9. Post-Post Labour

My midwife comes to my house on days 1, 3, 5,  2 weeks, 4 weeks, and 6 weeks, to measure me and baby and make sure everything is ok, plus more if something if felt to be 'off'. This is wonderful as it means we're not leaving the house with two struggling little kids in the cold to go to the office. It also means that I get A LOT more personal care than I ever did post partum with my OB. 

My OB saw me once at 1 week, and once at 6 weeks. Unless I had a serious concern, then I was to go to the hospital. I had to go at 3 days to a maternal care clinic in the hospital, which was an awful lot of walking for a new mom, as it was in the basement and a long way from the parking. I had a public care nurse who came and saw me at 1 week, but all she really did was give me pamphlets on what I should be feeding Wiggles, and lecture me about how I should force her to sleep on her back, even though she hated it and would cry so hard she choked on her own tears everytime we tried to  move her off her front. It was super frustrating that when I felt I might have been getting an infection, or when my healing was going BADLY... I didn't feel I could call my OB. I wouldn't hesitate to call my midwife now. 

Final conclusion: 

I would totally go with a midwife again, assuming I had another low risk pregnancy. OB's are great, but they have a place, and that place is not in a low risk pregnancy. They don't know what to make of it other than treat you like you are high risk, but you aren't. :) I would totally recommend a midwife to any pregnant mom, and natural birth to anyone. Yes, it's kinda scary, but my recovery is so much better, and overall, the pain actually worked out to be less than with pain meds in labour. :) 

In short, this entire post is about why I loved my midwife. XD

Meet 'Miah!

Hey everyone! SO! Baby number three/two? 

(Let's say three, since he's my third child even if only my second birth. :) ) 

He's here! 

'Miah was born on Dec 1/2013 at 11:23 pm, after 10 hours of labour. He weighed 8 pounds, 12 ounces, and was 21 inches long. 

Flash is a beyond excited big brother. Wiggles still isn't sure how to take him yet, but she's getting there. 

Ok, well that's all for now, things are a little hectic here, 3 days post partum and Wiggles gets a flu. Throwing up and diarrhea, while I try to breast feed a newborn. It's an adventure this week. :) 

- Adele

Preparing for baby number two - Scarier and easier the second time.

So Wiggles is 11 months in 3 days. And we are due in 16 days. I'm a little panicked to say the least. 

But wanna know the surprising part? Yes, it's terrifying. I have NO idea how I'm going to meet Wiggles growing needs now that she's running, climbing stairs, and intensely interested in opening cupboards, AND meet the needs of a newborn. No idea. I can barely keep up with Wiggles now. 

But really? That's the only thing I'm worried about. I'm not worried about if I'm going to horribly scar this one for life. I got through one, I can handle another one. In that way, it's so much easier! With your first baby, you spend so much time worrying about if you're gonna be able to be a parent. I worry about that a lot less with this one. How I'm going to split up my time and not die of exhaustion.. yeah, that worry is there, but if that's all I worry about, that's the least of my problems. :) 

I found a lot of lists for how to get prepped for baby number two focused on children aged 2+. Which is hard for me. Because Wiggles is in a lot different place than a two year old is. Wiggles understands some basic commands, and has like... 5 words consistently(Mama, Dada, Bum, Hi, Yeah or Yey.). Trying to explain to her or prep her for the baby in ways that involve her understanding the changes coming is not going to happen. 

As for Flash, I never really got to SEE his baby phase. I first met him when he was three. :) Now that he's eight(Nearly), it's a lot easier on him to understand that a baby is coming and what that means.

So here is my list of how I personally prepared for baby number two when baby number one is still very little!  

1. Teach your toddler to play on their own a little bit. 

I spent a good portion of the last couple months teaching Wiggles to play on her own for at least an hour or two a day. Wiggles is, like a good portion of babies I've seen, is super social and more than happy to spend all her time snuggling or playing peek a boo, or just sopping up the mommy love.  Problem is, when we start breast feeding and there's a new baby who needs to be rocked and played with too, then this will get harder. So for a couple hours a day, I would put Wiggles on the floor, give her some toys, and let her go for it. Unless she hurts herself(It's tough learning to walk folks!), I pretty much let her be. Turns out this was a great idea, cause it directly led to point number two! 

2. Get that baby walking! 

I know SO many who say that life gets harder once baby starts walking. We found the opposite. Wiggles so wanted to be independent and able to go that the second she could start to walk, she did. 8 1/2 months. Running and stair climbing was next. Yes, it meant we had to safety guard all our cupboards, and our stairs... but you know what? I don't have to carry her everywhere, in fact, she gets mad if I do. Not only will this make things easier when the new baby comes, but it makes things easier when my one bathroom is upstairs and I'm the size of a baby orca. >.> Wiggles follows me upstairs and into the bathroom all on her own, I only have to carry her down, which helps my back. 

Seriously, if you can, get your first baby walking! 

3. Get baby number one on a schedule. A solid one. 

This doesn't mean that at 7:45 you get up, 8:00 is breakfast. Nope. Not what I mean. But your baby should have a good structure of things that they do at the same intervals pretty much every day. 

For example. Wiggles gets up around one of two times: 5 when dad wakes up so she can say hi to him, or 6:45 if she doesn't hear his alarm go off. She has a bottle and diaper change as soon as she wakes up, along with some cheerios or other cereal. Then she plays for about an hour, usually on her own. An hour and a half after she wakes up, she's ready for a nap, which is usually about an hour long. I right now use this play time and sleep time to get my dishes done, fold laundry, and get caught up on my internet work. Once she wakes up, we skype with Grandma about once every two days, we play some interactive games like peek a boo, or a passing game, if she's interested. She'll want another bottle about an hour or so after she wakes up from her nap, but no solids. By noon we're back on track most days. She comes up to me and rubs her eyes and sometimes says "Nini.". She gets put in her high chair, and she takes a 2.5 hour nap. This is my real power house part of the day. I make my menu, finish up my spot cleaning, make my grocery list, craft(If I have the time), get a good chunk of my to do list done. She wakes up usually about a 1/2 hour before dad gets home at 2:30. She then eats dinner with us, finger foods of whatever we're eating. Then she's up until about 7 if we're at home, about 9 if we're not. She gets a bottle with bed, and usually there's another one of juice or water thrown in throughout the day that she sips as she feels like. 

This schedule will help a ridiculous amount in the coming months, as long as we can stick to it. Having something stay the same when everything else changes is important.

4. Get out the baby stuff you just put away.

I know, you just dragged this stuff down into storage and now you're draggin' it back up again. Enjoy it, revel in the memories. :) Get that swing your kid hasn't wanted to be strapped into in months out, get out the swaddling blankets and those itty bitty baby clothes. Cry when you think of your first being that small. Get it all set up. Make these changes in phases so as to not overwhelm your firstborn with a sudden change of decor. Start naming these things "Baby swing." Or in our case "Miah's Swing". Wiggles understands that some things are hers, and some things aren't. This is helpful to her to understand that these things aren't hers. 

5. Stock up on those pantry foods!

The last thing you want to worry about after the baby is born is whether or not you have the food you need to feed your family. So stock up before hand. Take $20 out of each of your grocery budgets(I know, it's a lot for me too, but worth it later.) and stock up on things like pasta sauce, pasta, soups, canned beans, dried beans, Kraft dinner, hot dogs... whatever you gotta do to keep your family fed. Plan for lots of 'easy' meals in those first couple weeks after baby is born. 

6. Get your  hospital bag packed/Set up arrangements for baby #1, and pack their bag. 

I struggled with this one. I'm 37 weeks and 4 days.. and still no hospital bag packed. >.> It's kinda like admitting that yes, this is gonna happen, and I'm ready. I'm not ready yet. :P So I'm putting it off. But it's important that you have your bag packed well ahead of time. Make a list of things you'll need in your bag, and then get crackin'! (I'll make a post in the next couple days about what's in my bag). 

You also need to set up with someone to take your first when you go into labour, and pack them an overnight bag. Now, there will be some things in each bag you need to pack kinda as you run out the door. :) Make a list of these that is easy for your partner to understand and clothes pin or safety pin it in an easy to see spot on the bag so he can just grab what's needed and then go. 

7. Have a you night. 

You won't have one for awhile. Remember those first couple months when they feed, poop, and want to snuggle pretty much all the time? There's another one now. :) It's gonna be hard to get time alone. So enlist a baby sitter, or the hubby, and take some you time. Shop(Or window shop), bath, eat a meal you didn't make, snuggle with your husband... whatever you do to have you recharge time. 

8. Go on a date with your husband.

Those first couple months are hard. Spend some time showering your man with love. Chances are he's gonna feel a little pushed aside as you struggle with balancing two babies, physically recovering, and exhaustion. Take him out on a date, make his favourite dinner at home, take all the time you can to snuggle with and touch him. Let him know he's your number one, even if you're the size of an orca. 

9. Take some time with your first. 

Soon there's gonna be two of them to take up your time. Take time to treasure your first. Chances they're gonna be pretty confused and frustrated when the new baby comes. And frankly, they're really little! They need to know that mommy still loves them. Take extra time to really engage with your child. They grow so fast. 

10. Enjoy it. 

So many people seem to forget this(me included). This is an awesome time in your life! You're having another baby! Yes, it's gonna be hard. But what worth doing isn't? You get two little someones to love on, you get to watch your body change and a miracle happen. Remember to enjoy it, even when you're so tired, sore, and frustrated you could cry. God gives joy even in the hard seasons, and there's lots to thankful for! 

Well that's it! That's all I got for now. :) I hope this was helpful! 

- Adele

Keeping a Good Attitude When Life with Littles is Hard

You know those days when things just fly by? When nothing seems to go your way, when the house is a disaster, the laundry isn't done, the baby wants to be played with or cuddled, and you just want to have five minutes to yourself, and it hasn't happened in weeks?

The last two weeks have been like this. Wiggles is going through this always wanting to be held and snuggled stage. Which is awesome. Sometimes okay. Mostly I'm just struggling. 

I find myself frustrated and taking it out on those around me more and more. 

And every time I see Flash jump and look at me with those hurt little doe eyes, or Caleb give that little sigh, I feel the spirit pricking me saying 'Why did you talk to him like that. Check your attitude.' I am the first to admit that I should be giving out many more apologies than I have been. 

I have been pouring over my Bible these last couple days, looking for ways to keep a good attitude when everything seems hard, and you know what? The Bible has some super practical answers for me, and for you too!

1. Joy

Proverbs 17: 22

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. 

Joy isn't some mystical emotion that is linked to happiness. No, joy is a choice, and a blessing from God. I can choose to be joyful in my life. You can too. Don't spend your day thinking about how hard your day is. Spend your day joyfully doing your work, playing with your baby, and enjoying every moment. Notice how that word enjoying sounds like you're making it joyful? It's because you are. It's easy to be joyful in the fun times, but having a joyful spirit in the hard times is one of those things we all need to discipline ourselves into learning. 

2. Work for God

Colossians 3:23

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.

There will be days when you get up and say 'I don't want to do this.' We all have them. But then get up, look at yourself in the mirror and say 'I'm working for Christ, and he deserves my best effort today. And so even if I'm tired or frustrated, I will work hard, because Christ deserves my best.'

3. Without Complaining

Philippians 2:14-15

Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world.

It is so tempting to complain when things are hard. But this is the opposite of joy, and the only helps to make everyone around you miserable. Turn your thoughts away from complaints, and never let them drip from your lips. You'll be surprised how much this one simple change will change your day. 

4. With Praise

Psalm 150:1-6

Praise the Lord! Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens! Praise him for his mighty deeds; praise him according to his excellent greatness! Praise him with trumpet sound; praise him with lute and harp! Praise him with tambourine and dance; praise him with strings and pipe! Praise him with sounding cymbals; praise him with loud clashing cymbals!

It might be hard, but find something good to praise God for! This simple change in attitude will make a huge difference. Once you can latch onto one or two great things about your day, then things will go much better. Seriously. 

3. Humility 

Philippians 2:1-3

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 4:2-5

With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— one Lord, one faith, one baptism.

For me, this is the hardest one on this list. Working with humility is so much more than it sounds. It's honestly in your heart, counting others needs above your own. It's apologizing to your son for your harsh tone, it's giving your husband 45 minutes when he walks in the door to relax, even when you really don't want to. But it's more than even that! It's taking the time to serve them. It's getting your husband that glass of water before he asks, and making sure he's comfortable, because his needs come before your own, and what's more, it's doing these things even when he isn't doing them back. It's doing these things even when they aren't reciprocated, joyfully and without complaint. Humility is a trait and an action that people take their entire lives to learn. But it is an essential discipline of the Christian life! 

Now, I'm preaching to myself here. xD Because I struggle with all these things more than even I admit to myself sometimes. 

Thankfully, I have realized that I don't have to do this alone. The women from my church have almost all, at one point or another, offered to take my darlin' for a couple hours so I can get some much needed time to clean and do things. They remember how hard these months are. Today, for the first time, I took one of them up on it. Tomorrow Wiggles is going home with her for a couple of hours so I can clean my house and take a much needed nap. 

We found about two weeks ago now that we're expecting baby #3! :D Which is awesome. But I had forgotten how tired you are these first couple months of being pregnant. Everything seems to wear me down, and all I want to do is eat fruit and sandwiches. Not kidding, Caleb and I went shopping for specifically those two things yesterday. 

Well, time to go apply these things to my life and clean my house. :D See y'all later, and God bless you! 

- Adele

Cloth Diapering! We're doing it, and loving it.

Okay, so I know, some of you are looking at this post and thinking, why would you ever cloth diaper? Touch poop? Ew. 

Wrong. 

I never touch poop. Ever. 

Yet I cloth diaper. 

Caleb and I made the decision to cloth diaper after a woman at our church started. She honestly makes it look super easy.  Caleb was drawn to the cost factor, and I was drawn to how cute it was. 

We got a bunch of cloth diapers for shower gifts, so we jumped in with two feet, and we've been using them since we brought Wiggles home from the hospital. And we  love them. Seriously. Love them. 

So I'm going to talk to you about cloth diapers in topics. Type, Ease of use/Washing, Price, and lastly, Other advantages/Disadvantages.

Type

We opted for pocket diapers. Which are essentially a liner, usually microfiber, and a waterproof cover with a slit on the one side. You slide the liner inside the cover, and then VOILA! It's just like a disposable. 

See? Here's an example of mine, one cover with no liner, one liner no cover, and one completely put together and ready to go. 

You slide the liner into the cover like this: 

Super easy. Definitely no worse than folding Wiggles' little tiny leotards. 

You can see ours are snaps. But they don't have to be. You can also get velcro, but I'm not that fond of them since they tend to wear out easier, and they get stuck to other diapers while washing. >.> Not cool. But we do have a couple that we kinda like, but I don't think I would go out and buy anymore of them. 

But. These are not the only cloth diapers you can get. A quick google search will show you that there are DOZENS of types of cloth diapers. Prefolds, which are essentially the old school diapers. You fold them and put a cover on them. They're cheaper, but more work than pockets. There's all in ones, which are essentially washable disposables. They tend to hold scents and things more, and some people have an issue with the idea that maybe a standard washing machine can't clean them properly, they're also very expensive. And those are just the beginning. The cloth diapering world is a huge one, and trying a little of this and that to find what you like isn't a bad thing. :) 

Oh! Another note. If you choose to do this, go with newborns for the first month. 

Here's a normal and a newborn side by side for size comparison. Normal sized diapers are made to fit most babies until they potty train. While newborns are made for tiny bums. :) We found that the normal ones on the very tightest setting didn't fit Wiggles until she was nearly 1 month, and even now at 4 months she can fit into the newborn ones on the largest settings.

Ease of Use/Washing

These are, in my opinion, the simplest diapers ever. All I do is stuff them when I fold them with my other clothes. They go on just like a disposable, then I put them in a wet bag, or throw them right down into the laundry room. And then to wash, I pull out the liner and throw all of it in the washing machine. One cold rinse, one hot wash with detergent, and an extra rinse at the end(which I can push a button on my machine for). Machine or sun dry. Easy as that.

 I have found that while Wiggles was exclusively breast fed, this was easiest. Breast fed babies poop is water soluble, so no rinsing involved. Now, people say when you start introducing formula/solids you need to rinse. I haven't found this. First off, Wiggles poops never really got 'solid' even after she started solid foods. They were always VERY liquidy and got absorbed right into the diaper with her urine. 

SO. My rule of thumb has become, if it's not absorbed, it gets a good rinse in my slop sink. I pull the liner out, dump the whole thing in my slop sink, and then turn the water on full blast. It takes care of anything solid left over, and then I pull it out with two fingers, careful not to touch ANY poop, and then I throw it in the washing machine. But most of the time it's absorbed. So it's all good. 

There's a lot of debate about detergents. Google it. People are opinionated. Very opinionated. Well, I have a  High Efficiency washing machine. So I can only use HE detergent. Which kinda limits my options. I'm also not paying $30 for a container of detergent. My solution? I use Sunlight Cold Water. :) Some cloth diapering mommas would crawl down my throat for that statement. But. I haven't had any issues with residue, and my diapers are still super absorbent, and Wiggles doesn't have any reaction to any of the scents or anything. So it works for us. My recommendation to all you cloth diapering mommas out there, do your research, yes. But if you have a detergent that you used before you realized you needed a special one, and it's working, stick with it. Everyone's water is different, and that detergent might be exactly what your water needs. For the record though, I've also heard great things about original Tide. 

Price

One of the best things about cloth is you can't beat the price. 

Pocket diapers have a double row of snaps on the front to shorten/lengthen them as your baby grows. This means they can fit from about 10 Lbs to whenever your baby potty trains. And, because they are washable, you can reuse them with multiple children. Very cost effective. But, let me break it down for you, for all of you who care. 

Disposables

Average Box of 200 disposables - $40 - On sale, no coupons.

Now, I don't know about you, but when Wiggles is in disposables, we can go through 200 diapers in about two weeks, maybe less. But let's be generous and say two weeks.

So! 

$40 x 2/month = $80 a month

$80/month x 12 months/year = $920

$920 x 3 years before baby potty trains = 

$2880

Cloth

Average price of a standard cloth diaper - $7 - $15

You need about 24 diapers to start with, maybe more, maybe less. But let's go with 24. 

$168 - $360 - Initial investment. 

+ $10 on our power bill per month x 12 months a year x 3 years before potty training = $360

Wet bag / Garbage bin for wet diapers = $60

Total cost = 

$588 - $780

And you can reuse them for multiple children, so your cost for the next child goes down to 

$360. 

To diaper them until they're potty trained. 

... Seriously. 

Now, we don't exclusively cloth. We buy about 1 box of disposables every 2 months. We use disposables for night time, because Wiggles is a heavy wetter, but we could just double stuff, I'm just lazy, and we use them when we are out and about, because babies can't stay in wet cloth for long, so they have to be changed more often, thus disposables are easier. But STILL. 

Other Advantages/Disadvantages

Well, cloth does have it's disadvantages. But it has some cool advantages too. 

First off, you'll change bums a lot more. Disposable diapers have special chemical crystals in them that whisk away fluid really fast. Cloth don't. So your baby feels when they wet a lot more. But the advantage to this, is babies who are in cloth usually potty train faster, because they feel their business more. Bonus. 

Second of all, washing. Compared to disposables, there's a lot of washing involved. And it can be kind of a pain in the butt when you are tired. The bonus is is you know what chemicals are touching your baby. And for those babies with sensitive skin, cloth is the way to go. 

The third disadvantage is diaper creams. You can't use them. At all. Because they're oil based, they get onto your diapers and cause they to repel. Which is kinda counter productive. The good news is, if you change regularly, your cloth diapered baby will probably never get a rash, because they're so chemical free. And you can also buy diaper rash cream online that's safe of cloth diapers. 

Other Advantage one? They're so stinkin' cute. 

Red, yellow, and Hello Kitty. >.> I also have black, orange, pink, purple, blue... If you can imagine it, the cloth diaper world has created it. Sure beats white and Elmo. They also don't have any weird scents like disposables. 

Overall

We love our cloth, and I totally recommend them to anyone who is brave enough to try. <3 Wiggles loves them, Caleb loves them, and they are cute. How can you go wrong? 

- Adele

SAHM Saturday: New baby? it gets better!

Elsie was born Dec 26, 2012. Wanna see a picture? I know you do! Here you go! 

She was born a healthy 8 lbs 6 ounces, 21.5 inches long. In 11 weeks she's grown to 12 lbs, and just over 2 feet long. 

My life was a whirlwind after Elsie was born. I mean a whirlwind. The last two months of my pregnancy were wrought with false alarms, nausea, and ridiculous amounts of eating... but nothing could have prepared me for the trial by fire of labor, and those first couple months. It's just now I'm starting to feel like my life has some routine and structure again. We've settled into a sort of routine. It's a little messy, and sometimes... it doesn't work. But most of the time, life goes on. Josh has been a huge blessing these last couple months. When I felt like my whole world was crashing in, he was there to show me the pieces weren't falling, they were just rearranging themselves a bit. He has really stepped up to the plate as a husband and a father, and I couldn't be more proud of him. 

Well, today I want to talk to those moms of newborns and say...

IT GETS BETTER.

With a newborn, it seems like your routine is never, ever, ever, gonna come back. Seriously. You wake up and it seems like you spend all your time nursing, or changing diapers, or cuddling a screaming baby. There's no set time, there's no rhyme or reason to it. Your house is a disaster and forget about home cooked meals, and you're so exhausted that even if you had a couple minutes where that little one isn't demanding your attention... you wouldn't have the energy to do them. 

Well ladies, I'm here to tell you: It gets better. Those first couple months will fly by, and then one day you'll wake up, you'll feed her... and then you'll put her down. Or you'll strap her into a sling, or a bouncy chair. Then you'll do your dishes, and do a spot clean. Then she'll be awake and want to play, so you smile and coo, and then turn on the Backyardigans, because they're bright and full of music, which her little ears love. You'll know you maybe have two episodes to fold laundry, and finish off those dishes, and maybe scrub your kitchen a bit, maybe if you're really lucky, you'll get a meal in there. Then she'll want to be fed again, so you feed her, and then nap time. But this time she'll want to be held, so take some time to work out your menu or do some blogging on your computer with her sleeping on your lap. Then she'll wake up smiling and happy and your heart will skip a beat because you look down at her... and you couldn't imagine loving anyone more. The rest of your day continues like this, 15 minutes of cleaning here, 20 minutes of holding her there... and tad dah, it's suddenly time for your husband to come home. Dinners maybe not made, but the house is kinda cleaned and the baby is happy. You look back and you might realize... today was a good day. And that lately, a lot of days have been good days! 

You found the rhythm again. 

It'll sneak up on you. Quiet like. 

It won't be one day you suddenly have it down. It'll be one day you pulled yourself up and forced yourself into working when you were exhausted. It'll be one day you listened to her scream for 20 minutes while you cried and did dishes because you knew it was okay for her to have a couple minutes alone, even if it broke your heart to hear her miss you. It'll be those moments when she first smiles at you, or gives that little belly laugh when she sees you. It'll be that time when you realize that she prefers you over everyone else. It won't be one momentous occasion. But that doesn't make it any less special. 

So hold on there new moms. It gets better. You won't always be frazzled, you won't always feel like a tornado hit your home and somehow you have to clean up the pieces, you won't always feel like a vending machine. I promise. Just hang in there a couple more days, and suddenly your days will be good ones again. 

- Natasha