A Big Difference: Expression of Anger and Expression of Sin

Lately I have seen a whole bunch of quotes that look an awful lot like this one: 

"We expect children to never have bad days, never be grouchy, never lose your temper. Yet we do this all the time, why do we expect things of them we don't expect of ourselves?" 

On the surface, this is a great quote, but something about it bothered me when I first read it, and now I have finally realized the issue with this train of thought. 

Yes, children have bad days, and yes, children get grouchy, and they lose their temper. But there is a big, big difference between someone having a bad day, and someone using that bad day as an excuse to sin. My problem is not when my daughter has a bad day, my problem is when my daughter has a bad day that leads to her being sinful. 

The other day, Wiggle woke up very grouchy. None of us know why, she just did. So we let her be grouchy, but throughout the day I corrected the sinful behaviour that came from her being upset. She threw her toys when told 'no'. She got corrected. She hit me when she decided that I was mean for not sharing my food, I corrected her. She got down on the ground and threw a hissy fit, I corrected her. Do you  notice something? I didn't correct her for having a bad day, I didn't correct her for being choosey about what she ate, or for not smiling enough. 

I chose to correct the attitudes that were sinful. Because these things aren't things that are ok for me or her. Why would I let my child get away with something sinful and give them the excuse "Well they had a rough night last night so she's tired today?" God doesn't give the order "Be angry and sin not... unless you're really tired, then it's ok." 

As parents, our job is not to coddle our children into  spoiled young adults who expect the world given to them, and expect people to understand they had a bad day and that's why they're mad. Our job is help them grow in Christ, and that means that we hold their attitudes and actions to Gods standard. And yes, we will make mistakes, and the battle seems kinda uphill a lot of the time, but that doesn't mean we don't do it. This world seems to be under the impression that because it's 'natural' it must be right. This is completely contrary to what God says. He says our very natures are sinful, and thus our 'natural' is wrong. Why would I for one second not help my child step towards Christ for the sake of her attitude being 'natural'? I won't. I will push my child to dwell in his shadow, in the warmth of his wings. Even if it means correcting her behaviour when she's tired and grouchy, because while anger is ok, sin is not. 

With Flash we have had this problem previously, and here is how to we dealt with it. 

1. We made it clear that attitude is a choice. 

Sure, you can wake up feeling stinky, but that doesn't mean you need to have a bad attitude about it. Contrary to what most people think, if you honestly decide that you're going to be happy today, you most likely will. Your attitude is determined by you. This applies to children as well. 

2. We laid out a plan for  him to deal with this anger.

If Flash was having a bad day, we would tell him whenever he felt angry, he could have some time to go to his room and calm down, and when he was ready to talk nicely we would listen. This left the responsibility to deal with his anger on him, and thus if  he chose to not calm down, the consequence of his anger was  justified. 

3. We didn't tolerate excuses or "Well he!"'s.

So often you see people make excuses for their anger "Well he was mean" or "Well then he shouldn't act like____." This is just plain old stupid. The Bible doesn't say be angry and sin not unless someone else irritates you, does it? No. So with Flash we have a no excuses policy. I don't care what he did, I care how you reacted. 

4. We apologized if we reacted in anger ourselves.

When I was a child there seemed to be this stigma on parents apologizing to children,  as if apologizing and admitting you were wrong was somehow going to undermine authority. But it doesn't. Having a double standard does. If you react in anger, apologize to your child and admit you were wrong it will go a long way. 

5. We always give an outlet for talk.

If Flash wants to talk, we are always there to listen to him about why he's angry. If it was something we did that we were wrong in, we fixed it, if it was something we did and he didn't like, we explained why it had to be that way. Never discount your childs opinion, this will just make them feel undervalued. But be clear that you are the parent and the final decision will always be yours.

- Adele

Image Credit: 

"Grumpy Child" by Clare Bloomfield found at freedigitalphotos.com

Teaching our Boys to be Young Men

Lately I have been really convicted about Flash. He's six, he will be seven in less than a month. And I just realized... he's becoming a little man.

I know, all if you out there reading this are like, 'Duh Adele, that's why they call them boys.' But that's not what I mean. Think of all the things you expect to find in a man, a real man. Protection, strength, wisdom, provision, leadership, to name a few. And Flash needs to know these things. He needs, as a young Christian man, to start developing these traits. 

The world is not going to help him do it. If there is one thing I am convinced about, it's that the Devil has his eye on my children, and the world is the Devils tool. 

The world will do everything it can to convince my son that he doesn't need to provide for his family. The world will do everything it can to tell my son he doesn't need to be the leader in his home. The world will do everything it can to tell my son that God's wisdom is wrong, and that he should be following some self-made theory of morality and guidance. The world will do everything to make my son ineffective. 

Flash is a self proclaimed Christian. We have spent months watching his life after he accepted Jesus into his heart, and it has been amazing to see him grow and mature in his faith. He wants so much to learn, and this is amazing to see. 

At the same time as I see this maturity starting in him, I see another ugly character raising it's head. We have had to deal with questions like "Why do I have to go to work? If I don't, I'll get money anyways." He's talking about welfare. Impressing on my son the need for him to work hard at everything he does is difficult when everything around him says that he doesn't have to. That he'll get a free meal at the end of the day, simply because he was there for the ride. 

The Bible says : 

2 Thess 3: 6-13

Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from every brother who leads an unruly life and not according to the tradition which you received from us. For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example, because we did not act in an undisciplined manner among you, nor did we eat anyone’s bread without paying for it, but with labor and hardship we kept working night and day so that we would not be a burden to any of you; not because we do not have the right to this, but in order to offer ourselves as a model for you, so that you would follow our example. For even when we were with you, we used to give you this order: if anyone is not willing to work, then he is not to eat, either. For we hear that some among you are leading an undisciplined life, doing no work at all, but acting like busybodies. Now such persons we command and exhort in the Lord Jesus Christ to work in quiet fashion and eat their own bread. But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary of doing good.

Did you catch that? The man who does not work should not eat. This is a fundamental truth in the Bible. I have found myself more and more hunting down verses like this one, to teach Flash what he needs to know, but it seems sometimes like it's fighting an uphill battle. 

But this does not mean I don't do it. 

So I want to encourage you moms out there reading this: 

1. Don't trust the world to teach your children. 

Your children are your greatest mission field. They are young, impressionable, and oh so open to learning. 

Don't let the world get a grip in their little hearts. 

Satan is not going to be merciful because they are children. The world will not be merciful because they are children. Be diligent. Your children are taking everything in, use your influence as their mother to pull them away from the world and it's sin. 

1 Peter 5:8

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

2. Teach them the word.

Often, daily, every hour, every minute. 

Talk to them about God. 

Talk to them about his statutes and precepts. 

Talk to them about his mercy and his love. 

Talk to them of his judgement and strength. 

Talk to them about his sovereignty. 

Talk to them about Jesus. 

Memorize scripture with them. 

Read the Bible aloud to them. 

Anything it takes to get the word into those little hearts. Because right now is the time. You might think they're to young, you might think they don't understand. But if they understand even one of the twenty things you tell them in a day, that's still something. 

Det. 11: 18 - 21

“You shall therefore impress these words of mine on your heart and on your soul; and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. “You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up. “You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your sons may be multiplied on the land which the LORD swore to your fathers to give them, as long as the heavens remain above the earth.

3. Set an example.

These children are watching you. Closer than you know. Be their example. Read your Bible. Pray as you do your chores. Love the Lord. Be merciful and pure in conduct. Your children will see that, and it will speak louder to them than anything that comes out of your mouth. 

The conduct you set now will be the conduct they will pick up. You love to read your Bible? They'll learn to love it. You sin regularly? Sadly, they will pick up on that same sin. 

For women, it's hard to be an example for young men, because we are not young men. :) But know this, if you are example of a Godly woman... your son will want to find another Godly woman to be with when he gets older. The Bible says that a Godly woman will bring her husband around with her conduct. 

1 Peter 3:1

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.

Now, the context here is unbelieving husbands, but I think it fits with this concept as well. A wife who is living in the word, who is filling her role as a wife, in submission and grace, will encourage her husband to fulfill his role as a Godly husband. 

Your son will look for a wife like you. Set the example now. 

4. Love and submit to his Dad. 

I can hear it. I can hear the bristling skin as the women reading this read the word submit. It echoes through these pages even as I'm writing. 

But it's one of the few commandments given directly to women in the Bible. 

Eph 5: 22 - 24

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

This isn't conditional. It doesn't say submit if your husband loves you, or submit if your husband is a good husband. No. It says submit. 

And it will be  one of the strongest ways you will reach your sons. Loving his dad, submitting to his dads leadership. Why? Because this not only shows him what a Godly woman looks like... but it allows his dad to step up and set the example of a Godly man. And your son will, more than anyone, learn from his father how to be a man. 

Learn what it means to submit. It's not a bad thing. In fact, it's a very good thing. 

5. Never think it's to late, or to early.

So your kids are older, or maybe they're much younger. Only babies. Teach them anyways. Guard their hearts anyways. Start now. 

Your son is a teenager? 

Be a Godly woman, set the example. Guard his heart. Love his dad. Monitor what he watches on TV, take him to church, talk to him about God. He might fight you on it, but as much as he seems all grown up? He is still a child, in need of your guidance. 

It's never to late to make a difference. 

I wasn't saved until I was 18. Because someone took the time to really talk with me about God and what he expects from me. 

Your son is just a baby? 

Be a Godly woman, set the example. Love his dad. Monitor what things go into that little head. Guard his heart with that fierce ferocity only moms can muster. Take him to church. Sing Bible songs to him, talk to him about his amazing creator. Get in the habit now. Make it so he doesn't remember a time when God wasn't the focus of his life. 

Flash was saved as six, because every moment he was awake, Caleb and I talked to him about God. 

It's never to early to make a difference. 

Just my thoughts for the day,

Adele

PS: I'd love to hear how you are teaching your sons to be Godly men.