When You Are Overwhelmed: When everything is falling apart

If you're a parent... you've been there. Those days when it seems nothing is going right. 

The baby won't stop screaming, you're covered in pee or other bodily fluids, the toddler is throwing a hissy fit, and you can just feel the judgemental stares of that little old lady following you as you try to bounce one and get the other under control, and neither is working. 

Yeah. We've all been there. 

For me lately it's been hard. Miah's colicy, which means he screams for hours. With  no real reason. Lately people have started calling this "Purple crying." I don't care what it is... it is horrible. 

Add that to the fact that I am the only person in the world he won't take a soother from, and the only person who can't calm him down, no matter what I do... And Miah is a tough nut to crack. 

Wiggles has just started her jealous phase. As soon as I nurse Miah, or Caleb holds him... she hits him. Hard. With no warning. The problem is sometimes she's gentle and loving and we want to encourage that, so we can't just keep him constantly out of reach. Her little personality has really developed over the last little bit. She's opinionated, stubborn, and is 1 going on 13 I swear.

My house is never clean anymore. I gave up on it. There are ground up soda crackers in the carpet, and baby clothes scattered everywhere cause Wiggles loves to play with them, and somehow it always seems that dishes are never fully done.

Combine all this with sleep deprivation, and you have one very overwhelmed Mama.

But here's somethings to remember for all of you in the same boat I am. 

God understands.

I know, I know, some of you are sitting here thinking "Really Adele, really?" But no everyone, hear me out. When you are in the midst of a tandem screaming session and neither baby wants to be calmed, or your toddler is freaking out and the baby needs to be nursed and you can't fix both... It seems like you are all alone. It feels like no one understands how tired and frustrated and inadequate you feel. 

God does. 

Cry out to him for wisdom, for strength, for patience, and he'll give it! Take your heart ache before your heavenly Father and he promises that he will meet your needs. Trying to get through this challenging time without the Lord is a bad idea. This is not the time to pull away from God, but rather a time to draw every nearer to him. 

This is only for a season.

Your baby won't always be up all night screaming, and colic eventually goes away. That toddler will develop some manners and will learn obedience if you use some persistence and care. One day that baby will rock himself to sleep and you will sleep through the night again. 

This will not last forever. Everything will adjust itself out eventually, you just gotta wait it out. That blissful six months stage is coming! 

You are the best possible thing for your children right now.

It's so tempting when you're overwhelmed to think "I bet (insert other mothers name), would be better for my kids." Or it's tempting to have thoughts of running away or giving up. 

Oh Mama... you are the very best thing for your child right now. No one knows them like you, probably not even your husband knows them like you. Yes, it seems like you are the last person they need. It seems like you're never going to get this right, but think of it this way. 

These babies are taking the time to voice that something is wrong. Because they trust you to be able to fix it. 

They know that when you are near, the bad things go away. Maybe they just need a cry, and know that in the safety of your arms... they can vulnerable. This is especially true of older babies.

Don't let doubt take away the knowledge that your children where given to you by God for a purpose. Not to anyone else, you. God thought you were the best thing they needed, and don't you forget it. 

Give yourself a break.

I bet you are your hardest critic.

Sorry to break it to you darlin'... but you're human. Trying to meet the needs perfectly of yet another human. Neither of you is perfect, and one of you has limited to no verbal communication skills. Of course you're occasionally going to have problems! 

You don't have to be the perfect mom. Nope, nope you don't. In fact, you can't be. 

Sometimes the baby will cry, and it's ok to just let them... cry. And sometimes the toddler will be freaking out for no reason you can find again, and it's ok to bribe them with a cookie and hope that that solves whatever problem they're having. 

Sometimes being a good mom is saying "I don't know what to do anymore, so I'm going to walk away before I do something I regret." 

Sometimes being a good mom is giving yourself a break and saying "I'm human too, and I'm  not gonna be able to do this perfectly, but I can do my best and God will take care of the rest." 

Most of all.. You are a great mom. Don't let anyone, including yourself, say otherwise.

Preparing for baby number two - Scarier and easier the second time.

So Wiggles is 11 months in 3 days. And we are due in 16 days. I'm a little panicked to say the least. 

But wanna know the surprising part? Yes, it's terrifying. I have NO idea how I'm going to meet Wiggles growing needs now that she's running, climbing stairs, and intensely interested in opening cupboards, AND meet the needs of a newborn. No idea. I can barely keep up with Wiggles now. 

But really? That's the only thing I'm worried about. I'm not worried about if I'm going to horribly scar this one for life. I got through one, I can handle another one. In that way, it's so much easier! With your first baby, you spend so much time worrying about if you're gonna be able to be a parent. I worry about that a lot less with this one. How I'm going to split up my time and not die of exhaustion.. yeah, that worry is there, but if that's all I worry about, that's the least of my problems. :) 

I found a lot of lists for how to get prepped for baby number two focused on children aged 2+. Which is hard for me. Because Wiggles is in a lot different place than a two year old is. Wiggles understands some basic commands, and has like... 5 words consistently(Mama, Dada, Bum, Hi, Yeah or Yey.). Trying to explain to her or prep her for the baby in ways that involve her understanding the changes coming is not going to happen. 

As for Flash, I never really got to SEE his baby phase. I first met him when he was three. :) Now that he's eight(Nearly), it's a lot easier on him to understand that a baby is coming and what that means.

So here is my list of how I personally prepared for baby number two when baby number one is still very little!  

1. Teach your toddler to play on their own a little bit. 

I spent a good portion of the last couple months teaching Wiggles to play on her own for at least an hour or two a day. Wiggles is, like a good portion of babies I've seen, is super social and more than happy to spend all her time snuggling or playing peek a boo, or just sopping up the mommy love.  Problem is, when we start breast feeding and there's a new baby who needs to be rocked and played with too, then this will get harder. So for a couple hours a day, I would put Wiggles on the floor, give her some toys, and let her go for it. Unless she hurts herself(It's tough learning to walk folks!), I pretty much let her be. Turns out this was a great idea, cause it directly led to point number two! 

2. Get that baby walking! 

I know SO many who say that life gets harder once baby starts walking. We found the opposite. Wiggles so wanted to be independent and able to go that the second she could start to walk, she did. 8 1/2 months. Running and stair climbing was next. Yes, it meant we had to safety guard all our cupboards, and our stairs... but you know what? I don't have to carry her everywhere, in fact, she gets mad if I do. Not only will this make things easier when the new baby comes, but it makes things easier when my one bathroom is upstairs and I'm the size of a baby orca. >.> Wiggles follows me upstairs and into the bathroom all on her own, I only have to carry her down, which helps my back. 

Seriously, if you can, get your first baby walking! 

3. Get baby number one on a schedule. A solid one. 

This doesn't mean that at 7:45 you get up, 8:00 is breakfast. Nope. Not what I mean. But your baby should have a good structure of things that they do at the same intervals pretty much every day. 

For example. Wiggles gets up around one of two times: 5 when dad wakes up so she can say hi to him, or 6:45 if she doesn't hear his alarm go off. She has a bottle and diaper change as soon as she wakes up, along with some cheerios or other cereal. Then she plays for about an hour, usually on her own. An hour and a half after she wakes up, she's ready for a nap, which is usually about an hour long. I right now use this play time and sleep time to get my dishes done, fold laundry, and get caught up on my internet work. Once she wakes up, we skype with Grandma about once every two days, we play some interactive games like peek a boo, or a passing game, if she's interested. She'll want another bottle about an hour or so after she wakes up from her nap, but no solids. By noon we're back on track most days. She comes up to me and rubs her eyes and sometimes says "Nini.". She gets put in her high chair, and she takes a 2.5 hour nap. This is my real power house part of the day. I make my menu, finish up my spot cleaning, make my grocery list, craft(If I have the time), get a good chunk of my to do list done. She wakes up usually about a 1/2 hour before dad gets home at 2:30. She then eats dinner with us, finger foods of whatever we're eating. Then she's up until about 7 if we're at home, about 9 if we're not. She gets a bottle with bed, and usually there's another one of juice or water thrown in throughout the day that she sips as she feels like. 

This schedule will help a ridiculous amount in the coming months, as long as we can stick to it. Having something stay the same when everything else changes is important.

4. Get out the baby stuff you just put away.

I know, you just dragged this stuff down into storage and now you're draggin' it back up again. Enjoy it, revel in the memories. :) Get that swing your kid hasn't wanted to be strapped into in months out, get out the swaddling blankets and those itty bitty baby clothes. Cry when you think of your first being that small. Get it all set up. Make these changes in phases so as to not overwhelm your firstborn with a sudden change of decor. Start naming these things "Baby swing." Or in our case "Miah's Swing". Wiggles understands that some things are hers, and some things aren't. This is helpful to her to understand that these things aren't hers. 

5. Stock up on those pantry foods!

The last thing you want to worry about after the baby is born is whether or not you have the food you need to feed your family. So stock up before hand. Take $20 out of each of your grocery budgets(I know, it's a lot for me too, but worth it later.) and stock up on things like pasta sauce, pasta, soups, canned beans, dried beans, Kraft dinner, hot dogs... whatever you gotta do to keep your family fed. Plan for lots of 'easy' meals in those first couple weeks after baby is born. 

6. Get your  hospital bag packed/Set up arrangements for baby #1, and pack their bag. 

I struggled with this one. I'm 37 weeks and 4 days.. and still no hospital bag packed. >.> It's kinda like admitting that yes, this is gonna happen, and I'm ready. I'm not ready yet. :P So I'm putting it off. But it's important that you have your bag packed well ahead of time. Make a list of things you'll need in your bag, and then get crackin'! (I'll make a post in the next couple days about what's in my bag). 

You also need to set up with someone to take your first when you go into labour, and pack them an overnight bag. Now, there will be some things in each bag you need to pack kinda as you run out the door. :) Make a list of these that is easy for your partner to understand and clothes pin or safety pin it in an easy to see spot on the bag so he can just grab what's needed and then go. 

7. Have a you night. 

You won't have one for awhile. Remember those first couple months when they feed, poop, and want to snuggle pretty much all the time? There's another one now. :) It's gonna be hard to get time alone. So enlist a baby sitter, or the hubby, and take some you time. Shop(Or window shop), bath, eat a meal you didn't make, snuggle with your husband... whatever you do to have you recharge time. 

8. Go on a date with your husband.

Those first couple months are hard. Spend some time showering your man with love. Chances are he's gonna feel a little pushed aside as you struggle with balancing two babies, physically recovering, and exhaustion. Take him out on a date, make his favourite dinner at home, take all the time you can to snuggle with and touch him. Let him know he's your number one, even if you're the size of an orca. 

9. Take some time with your first. 

Soon there's gonna be two of them to take up your time. Take time to treasure your first. Chances they're gonna be pretty confused and frustrated when the new baby comes. And frankly, they're really little! They need to know that mommy still loves them. Take extra time to really engage with your child. They grow so fast. 

10. Enjoy it. 

So many people seem to forget this(me included). This is an awesome time in your life! You're having another baby! Yes, it's gonna be hard. But what worth doing isn't? You get two little someones to love on, you get to watch your body change and a miracle happen. Remember to enjoy it, even when you're so tired, sore, and frustrated you could cry. God gives joy even in the hard seasons, and there's lots to thankful for! 

Well that's it! That's all I got for now. :) I hope this was helpful! 

- Adele

Teaching our Boys to be Young Men

Lately I have been really convicted about Flash. He's six, he will be seven in less than a month. And I just realized... he's becoming a little man.

I know, all if you out there reading this are like, 'Duh Adele, that's why they call them boys.' But that's not what I mean. Think of all the things you expect to find in a man, a real man. Protection, strength, wisdom, provision, leadership, to name a few. And Flash needs to know these things. He needs, as a young Christian man, to start developing these traits. 

The world is not going to help him do it. If there is one thing I am convinced about, it's that the Devil has his eye on my children, and the world is the Devils tool. 

The world will do everything it can to convince my son that he doesn't need to provide for his family. The world will do everything it can to tell my son he doesn't need to be the leader in his home. The world will do everything it can to tell my son that God's wisdom is wrong, and that he should be following some self-made theory of morality and guidance. The world will do everything to make my son ineffective. 

Flash is a self proclaimed Christian. We have spent months watching his life after he accepted Jesus into his heart, and it has been amazing to see him grow and mature in his faith. He wants so much to learn, and this is amazing to see. 

At the same time as I see this maturity starting in him, I see another ugly character raising it's head. We have had to deal with questions like "Why do I have to go to work? If I don't, I'll get money anyways." He's talking about welfare. Impressing on my son the need for him to work hard at everything he does is difficult when everything around him says that he doesn't have to. That he'll get a free meal at the end of the day, simply because he was there for the ride. 

The Bible says : 

2 Thess 3: 6-13

Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from every brother who leads an unruly life and not according to the tradition which you received from us. For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example, because we did not act in an undisciplined manner among you, nor did we eat anyone’s bread without paying for it, but with labor and hardship we kept working night and day so that we would not be a burden to any of you; not because we do not have the right to this, but in order to offer ourselves as a model for you, so that you would follow our example. For even when we were with you, we used to give you this order: if anyone is not willing to work, then he is not to eat, either. For we hear that some among you are leading an undisciplined life, doing no work at all, but acting like busybodies. Now such persons we command and exhort in the Lord Jesus Christ to work in quiet fashion and eat their own bread. But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary of doing good.

Did you catch that? The man who does not work should not eat. This is a fundamental truth in the Bible. I have found myself more and more hunting down verses like this one, to teach Flash what he needs to know, but it seems sometimes like it's fighting an uphill battle. 

But this does not mean I don't do it. 

So I want to encourage you moms out there reading this: 

1. Don't trust the world to teach your children. 

Your children are your greatest mission field. They are young, impressionable, and oh so open to learning. 

Don't let the world get a grip in their little hearts. 

Satan is not going to be merciful because they are children. The world will not be merciful because they are children. Be diligent. Your children are taking everything in, use your influence as their mother to pull them away from the world and it's sin. 

1 Peter 5:8

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

2. Teach them the word.

Often, daily, every hour, every minute. 

Talk to them about God. 

Talk to them about his statutes and precepts. 

Talk to them about his mercy and his love. 

Talk to them of his judgement and strength. 

Talk to them about his sovereignty. 

Talk to them about Jesus. 

Memorize scripture with them. 

Read the Bible aloud to them. 

Anything it takes to get the word into those little hearts. Because right now is the time. You might think they're to young, you might think they don't understand. But if they understand even one of the twenty things you tell them in a day, that's still something. 

Det. 11: 18 - 21

“You shall therefore impress these words of mine on your heart and on your soul; and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. “You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up. “You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your sons may be multiplied on the land which the LORD swore to your fathers to give them, as long as the heavens remain above the earth.

3. Set an example.

These children are watching you. Closer than you know. Be their example. Read your Bible. Pray as you do your chores. Love the Lord. Be merciful and pure in conduct. Your children will see that, and it will speak louder to them than anything that comes out of your mouth. 

The conduct you set now will be the conduct they will pick up. You love to read your Bible? They'll learn to love it. You sin regularly? Sadly, they will pick up on that same sin. 

For women, it's hard to be an example for young men, because we are not young men. :) But know this, if you are example of a Godly woman... your son will want to find another Godly woman to be with when he gets older. The Bible says that a Godly woman will bring her husband around with her conduct. 

1 Peter 3:1

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.

Now, the context here is unbelieving husbands, but I think it fits with this concept as well. A wife who is living in the word, who is filling her role as a wife, in submission and grace, will encourage her husband to fulfill his role as a Godly husband. 

Your son will look for a wife like you. Set the example now. 

4. Love and submit to his Dad. 

I can hear it. I can hear the bristling skin as the women reading this read the word submit. It echoes through these pages even as I'm writing. 

But it's one of the few commandments given directly to women in the Bible. 

Eph 5: 22 - 24

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

This isn't conditional. It doesn't say submit if your husband loves you, or submit if your husband is a good husband. No. It says submit. 

And it will be  one of the strongest ways you will reach your sons. Loving his dad, submitting to his dads leadership. Why? Because this not only shows him what a Godly woman looks like... but it allows his dad to step up and set the example of a Godly man. And your son will, more than anyone, learn from his father how to be a man. 

Learn what it means to submit. It's not a bad thing. In fact, it's a very good thing. 

5. Never think it's to late, or to early.

So your kids are older, or maybe they're much younger. Only babies. Teach them anyways. Guard their hearts anyways. Start now. 

Your son is a teenager? 

Be a Godly woman, set the example. Guard his heart. Love his dad. Monitor what he watches on TV, take him to church, talk to him about God. He might fight you on it, but as much as he seems all grown up? He is still a child, in need of your guidance. 

It's never to late to make a difference. 

I wasn't saved until I was 18. Because someone took the time to really talk with me about God and what he expects from me. 

Your son is just a baby? 

Be a Godly woman, set the example. Love his dad. Monitor what things go into that little head. Guard his heart with that fierce ferocity only moms can muster. Take him to church. Sing Bible songs to him, talk to him about his amazing creator. Get in the habit now. Make it so he doesn't remember a time when God wasn't the focus of his life. 

Flash was saved as six, because every moment he was awake, Caleb and I talked to him about God. 

It's never to early to make a difference. 

Just my thoughts for the day,

Adele

PS: I'd love to hear how you are teaching your sons to be Godly men. 

Music Monday: It won't be like this for long

Lately I have been reflecting on how fast children grow. When I first met Flash, he had just turned 3. He ran across the church to his dad, screaming "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadyyyyy!" At the top of his lungs. Caleb leaned down and that little boy was in his arms so fast, you'd think the world was ending. They both had the biggest smiles on their faces, and Flash was chattering away about Sunday school. 

Now Flash is six, and just finishing grade one, and I am stunned by how much he has changed. He still runs across the church to see his dad, but it's no longer on chubby baby legs. He reads to us instead of us reading to him. He uses words like appropriate and humongous. He asks questions that I hadn't considered until I was 10 years old. Instead of needing help to tie has shoes, he helps me get the diaper bag and Wiggles ready to go out the door. Everyday he does something else that stuns me or melts my heart. 

And then Wiggles... she's three months old already. Three months. I look back at pictures of newborn Elsie and it seems... surreal. She has developed her own little personality. She loves people and sleeping on her stomach, and snuggling as she sleeps. She is so different, and it seems I blinked and bam! She's suddenly 3 months old. 

This song  makes me cry. Because its true, it wont be like this for long. I want to treasure every moment with our children. Because it wont be like this for long. 

- Adele