Why I Have Lots of Children

If you have more than two children. You know the feeling. Walking through a grocery store and someone counts out loud to themselves your kids and then gasps. "Four?!" The higher the number, the more shocked they are.

It seems that the more children you have, the more people feel the need to let you know that they're a burden. That somehow there is something wrong with you for wanting so many children. Comments about birth control and other intensely personal questions that only a doctor should be asking get thrown around like candy, as if having opened your womb more than twice somehow means you deserve less privacy.

So I guess this is my answer to the gasps, to the sidelong glances, to the rude and often personal questions.

Yes. I'm busy. And my hands are full. But you look at them and see burdens and I look at them and see something more. I see legacy. I see potential.

My children are each perfect little individuals. You see my nine year old laughing and chasing around his brother and sisters. I see a little boy who is growing into the man who will one day be a great dad to my grandbabies. You see my daughter throwing a fit and me talking to her about attitude for the seventh time. I see the shadows of a young woman who will push those around her to insanity fighting for the cause of the Christ she already shows a thirst and passion for. You see my two year old dumping out all the toys in nursery. Again. I see a curious drive that pushes him to find everything new and how it works that will serve him well in the hands on fields he's already showing a preference for. You see my nine month old daughter smiling at the 30th person to hold her today. I see a budding 'people person' who charms those around her with her generous and forgiving spirit.

My children are little bits of the future. Little blessings. Yes. I'm busy. So busy. And so so tired. But they won't be this size forever. One day they will show their glorious potential. One day their lives will touch others, and I hope the message that I impart on them is not one of burden. But one of potential.

I want my children, and those who ask about why I have them to understand that I chose that potential. I chose that potential over riches or fame, over sleep filled nights, and over clear schedules to do as I wish. Because just maybe. My childrens potential is worth more than my comfort.

A cry for realism.

Okay ladies. Here goes. 

My name is Natasha... and I am NOT perfect. 

There. I said it. 

I don't know about you, but I struggle all the time with realism. I mean, it's silly because all you have to do is see the baby drool or puke or food on my clothes and know that my life is not perfect, but somehow... I always want to come off that way. I want you to think my home is always clean and my kids are always happy, and that I never struggle with anger, and that I read my Bible three times a day and listen to sermons in all my spare time. 

Ooooooh how far from the truth this is! Here's the reality ladies! 

I struggle to read my Bible on a daily basis. I yell at my kids at least twice a day and have to repent every single time. It's 4 PM on tuesday... and I'm still in my pajamas doing the dishes. There is a patch of I do not know what underneath my rocking recliner in the living room I have been avoiding scrubbing off my floor for like... a week. Ok, maybe like two weeks. Just because I have no idea WHAT it is. 

I'm nine months pregnant, and I have all the exhaustion, and strain, and hurt from that you would imagine comes with having two under three and being the size of a small whale. 

And sometimes... a resent my children. And in those moments, I'm so thankful for the words of the moms of the world who say "It's hard, but they are a blessing! God says they are a blessing! We're here for you!" 

Why is this so hard to admit? Why do humans, especially women and most especially moms, feel that we need to hide the nitty gritty of our lives? 

I think it has to with pride. So much pride. 

Admitting I suck at my job sometimes... means being humble. Means opening up my heart to the other women in my life and saying honestly "I'm struggling and I suck at this right now, and I need help. Please help me."

Ladies! There is a reason that Paul tells the older women to teach the younger women to love their husbands and children and to keep a house! Because it's hard and it doesn't come naturally! 

So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to open myself up. As soon as I'm done this post I'm going to go call a friend, and ask her if she has some time in the next week to come over and help me clean my house while we chat. And that's going to mean admitting I'm struggling to get it done myself. 

I challenge you do the same. If you are struggling, or just need someone to talk to... call someone. ANYONE. Reach out for help and admit... you're not perfect and you need help. 

Be humble, be real... and find that Jesus in those women will say "Then let me help." 

Natasha

Back to blogging, and 1000 days of Thankfulness Challenge!

Well, back to blogging. 

I'm taking on a challenge. Lately I have found that on days when I purpose in my heart to be thankful, I am happier(Go Figure!). So I am doing a challenge. 1000 days of thankfulness. Everyday I will make a post. It might be long, it might not. But it will include something I am thankful about. At the same time I do this post, I will read my Bible and pray. 

So! Day 1: 

I'm thankful for babies falling asleep in my arms. 

On Tree Climbing, Risk Taking, and Being to Worried.

My husband and I took took our kids to a park this weekend, along with his entire family. Brother in law, his girlfriend, sister in law, and her four kids, and my mother in law. We were sitting there watching the kids play on the structure when suddenly someone says "Do you think maybe that's to dangerous for them?" 

It was one of those spinny seats. You know those ones that throw your center of gravity way off? The ones that spin and spin and spin until you wanna puke and then someone stops you and you can't stand up straight? Yeah. One of those. 

The kids were having a blast, but suddenly this contraption became something we had to evaluate was good for them or not. I finally just said, "Cause we didn't do worse!" Suddenly the entire group BURST out laughing. Because we all know we did! Our play structures were full of tire bridges, splintering wood, rusty zip lines, merry go rounds, teeter-totters, and that one slide that looked like it was going to topple at any time. There was never the question of "Is that as safe as it possibly can be?" 

I think this generation puts to much credit in 'safe'. Our kids can't climb trees, because they might fall down and hurt themselves. We wash everything that comes in contact with the ground in case it's covered in 'germs'. Our kids are bubble wrapped from their first moments, taught to run to authority in case of fights, to never do anything that might get them hurt, and if they must do these things, to wear all the protective gear they can. 

When we were kids, it wasn't like that. I totally remember eating dirt. I remember getting so dirty the bottom of the tub was covered in grime when I took my mandatory bath. I remember climbing trees and play structures and jumping off them with no one there to catch me. I remember telling my mom where I'd be in the morning, popping in every now and then to tell her where I'd been, and coming back for lunch and dinner and telling her all the things I'd done. I remember scrapping my knee and leg up riding my bike without a helmet four blocks from my house, and limping home and my mom taking care of it, cause good moms do that. I remember fighting with the kids in my neighborhood, sometimes to the point of fist fights, and the moms all sitting back and saying "Work it out yourselves!" 

It taught me how to being adventurous. It taught me how to know my limits, and push past them. It taught me responsibility. It taught me to get along with others, even if I didn't want to. It taught me to suck it up and learn to live a bit on my own. 

Lately I've made a point of letting my children go more. Miah puts a stick in his mouth? I don't jump to take it away. He eats a little grass? Won't hurt him. He loves to play in the grass, and it's teaching him that he doesn't need to always be with me to have fun, and it's teaching him about bugs and textures and fun. Sam climbs a tree? Sweet, go for it. Wants to ride a bike without a helmet? Sure, why not. Watch when you're crossing the street. Elsie wants to run around in the big 2 acres of fenced in open field behind our church? Go girl! Go! 

You want to know what I've noticed? My kids are happier. They run more, jump more, get more dirty. They laugh more, giggle more, and are more fun to be around. They are always telling me about the cool things they've done, and I'm always thrilled to hear it. No longer do I have children who are scared of their own shadow. Rather, I have children who face challenges and trials head on. That tree can be climbed, and that counter is not to high to get to. My children have suddenly become problem solvers. 

Sure. Their life is a little more 'on the edge' than most children in this generation. Miah puts things in his mouth that have been on the floor. Elsie regularly chews the handle of carts just to watch people give her grossed out looks(My mom included XD). Sam climbs trees and does flips on our trampoline. 

But they are happy.

I'll take that. 

- Natasha

Struggling to Bond with Your Baby: It's Normal!

It's that moment, that moment you've been waiting 10 months for. You've been through 10 hours of labour, and finally he's here, your baby. Your hands reach out when they hand him to you, and you look down and see... 

A screaming, red, raisin. Where was the cute little baby you'd been promised? This wasn't him, this couldn't be him. This little thing is a stranger. And then the little raisin wants to nurse and it hurts and he's up every 2 hours and you just want to sleep. You think of your 1 year old back home who you love so much, and then the guilt sets in. Why don't you love this baby like you love that one? 

...

This was me six months ago. I remember my mom coming down and asking me how I was doing a couple days after Jeremiah was born, and I broke down. Because I didn't love this baby. I mean sure, I was gonna keep him alive, and we were nursing, and I didn't want anything bad to happen to him... but I didn't love him either. He was a stranger, and a mean one at that! 

I felt so bad. 

And you know what my mom said to me? "Yeah. Sometimes it happens like that. You gotta get to know them first. It'll come, but for now, I'm sorry." 

Just like that. Oh right, that. No accusations of child abuse, no hatred, no whispered rumours about how I'm a terrible mom. Just a quiet understanding of how hard it is. 

Sometimes bonding doesn't happen in that moment. Sometimes that perfect moment, isn't so perfect. 

Six months later, I can now say that I adore Jeremiah. I love his perfect little smiles, I love his awesome little giggles. I love how he prefers me to his dad. (Score one for mom!) 

But I didn't then. With Elsie I had that moment. That moment where you first see them and you just love them. I didn't with Miah, and apparently, I'm not the only one. 

Turns out, lots of moms have this issue. Lots of moms look at their children for the first couple weeks/months and think "Who the heck are you and why won't you sleep and why do you want to nurse again, don't you know my nipples hurt?" Turns out, it's normal too. 

To the new mom who is googling this topic. IT IS NORMAL. 

To the grandma who never struggled and is trying to understand her daughter: IT IS NORMAL. 

To the friend who wants to assure her new mom friend: IT IS NORMAL. 

Sometimes you gotta get to know them first. Sometimes... sometimes you have to be the adult in the relationship and take care of that baby even when somewhere deep in your heart, you're angry and resentful and you're sleep deprived and you just want to let him cry for a bit. 

Moms, just keep holding that baby. Keep feeding him, keep getting up and rocking him. One day you will look at him and think "I love you." And you will mean it. Someday you'll look at that little baby and he won't be a stranger anymore. Someday he'll look at you and your heart will melt. I can't promise it will be today, I can't promise it'll be tomorrow. But it'll come. And maybe it won't BE that shiny moment that you're told to expect. Maybe it'll be that one day you wake up and you're happy to see him. And that's good too. 

Moms, IT'S NORMAL. Needing to get to know your child is normal.  

Do me a favour? Call someone, tell them you need help.

You don't have to do any of this alone. No one does. Whether you are struggling to bond, or had that blissful moment of bonding, or you are struggling with just getting up to care for your child... you are NOT alone. There are thousands of moms just like you out there, struggling to bond too, and there are those who have been there before, whose hearts break for you. Who are praying for you, the mom who is reading this post in a panic because she can't stand to hold this screaming ball of sleeplessness anymore. 

Hold on. Someday IS coming. 

I'm praying for you.

Natasha

Now, there is a caution here. If you find yourself so upset you can't care for your baby, or you think you might hurt your baby, get help. Call your mom, your dad, your best friend, your OB or Midwife, call a help line, get someone to come over. Go to someone you trust and tell them you need help. Tell them what you are thinking and they can help you get help. Please. 

Why I Wear Skirts: My Thoughts On Pleasing Your Husband.

If you were to ever look at a picture of me... ever, you'll see that I wear skirts. Lots of them. All the time. I've had people assume that this was a matter of conviction. That I believe that in skirts lies the answer to modesty. 

It's not though. 

It has almost nothing to do with modesty. But it has everything to do with pleasing my husband. 

My husband likes to look at me in skirts. 

When he sees me in a skirt, with my hair down and my makeup on(It's a hard thing for a mom of two under 2 to accomplish people!), his eyes glaze over a bit, and then that look happens. That one that melts me right to the core, and I know that he is fiercely attracted to me in that moment. It has nothing to do with the skin I'm baring, or how tight my clothes are. It has everything to do with how in that moment, he knows that I am wearing it for him. 

Yes, I believe that for my body type, skirts are the most modest choice. I'm hippy and curvy, and pants always seem to grab in just the wrong places. But I could find pants that worked if I wanted to. But I want to please my husband, so I wear skirts. I hated it at first, but there are a couple of Biblical principles that changed my mind. And not a single one of them has to do with modesty. 

It has to do with capturing my husbands attention. Does this verse look familiar to any one? 

Proverbs 5: 18-21 (KJV)

18. Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.

19. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

20. And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?

21. For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he pondereth all his goings.

Yes, I realize this is a warning for men, but I think in there is a note for women too. You are to satisfy your husband at all times, and part of that is on him...  but I think part of that is on wives too! If you know your husband likes to see you with your hair down, let that hair go every once in awhile. If you know your husband likes to see you in blue... wear it. Find out what makes him look at you and think "I'm married to her. I can't believe God gave me her." Of course,  unless you are in your bedroom, stick in the realm of modesty here ladies. 

In our society, pleasing your partner has become a thing of the past. It's all about the bottom line, all about what I can get for me. What does it benefit me to run around in clothes that make it harder to chase after toddlers, or leave my hair down for Miah to pull on? It doesn't, but it does benefit my husband. 

Notice something that verse links to being satisfied with your wife? Not being satisfied with the strange woman. I want my husbands eyes to be so captured by me he doesn't have time to look at that woman who wore the yoga pants and to small shirt to run in. For the sake of his spiritual life, I want him to not feel the need to look. Men are visual beings ladies! Their eyes are drawn to look in the same way womens minds are drawn to fantasy. It leads them to sin. So help them along!

I can already hear the protests in the background! 

"But it's not my job to make sure my husband doesn't sin! It's his! I can dress how I want, I'm a 21st century woman! Do you want to send us back to the stone age?" 

I beg to differ. What if some of the responsibility does lie with women, with wives? What if being attractive to my husband is part of being a good wife? Sure, men are responsible for their eyes, but why shouldn't wives help? Now, am I saying you should wear a shirt that is to low cut to be considered modest because your husband enjoys your breasts? No, of course not. But maybe you wear his favourite bra and let him know it before you leave the house. He will be so distracted by the idea of that bra that hopefully he won't care about the other breasts that are constantly on display in our day and age. 

Captivate him ladies. He would have to a saint not to struggle to keep his eyes pure in this society. Help him keep them full of the one person he's allowed to look at without guilt. YOU. 

- Natasha

Pinterest and Covetousness. Finding the line and fleeing it.

I realized this week that my interest in Pinterest has become... deadly. Josh recently had  a job offer at a company in the States that would mean a lot more money coming in our doors, but it was contingent on some things happening. I like the sinful person I am heard "More money, lookit what we could GET!" And within minutes I was on Pinterest, pinning to my dream home board, dreaming of the beautiful house we could buy or build. And then the job(We're pretty sure), fell through. And I was crushed that all those beautiful ideas on my board would never happen, and in that moment I was SO convicted. Somewhere along the way, probably at that first pin, my mind turned from being content where I'm at, in the beautiful house God made happen, with my wonderful family... to wanting more. 

I think Pinterest as a whole really encourages this. I have to constantly be on guard when looking through the home decor section of that site. Yes, my home is my castle, and I aim to make it the best it can be. But there is a big difference between saying "I'm going to improve my house to make it a better home for my family." And saying "I want my house to be different." Or, "I want something else to be happy." 

God calls you to be content where you are. He set you where you are. In my case, he pulled some pretty crazy strings to make it happen. Feeling unhappy with your life? Look to your father, the more you focus on him... the better your life will be. Because he will change your heart to reflect his. 

Is it wrong to look through Pinterest and see all the wonderful things you can do with your home? Of course not. God calls you to care for your home, and part of that is decorating it. But. There is an awfully thin line between what is possible and what isn't. 

Here are the guards I put up in my own mind while Pinning for my home, or anything else really. 

1. Can I afford it? 

And I don't mean right this minute. But here's a good example. Unless my husband gets a crazy good job, I'm never going to be able to afford the 5 bedroom house I pinned the plans for. Or the beautiful remodelled kitchen. But I afford the pretty paint color I pinned for my current living room, and the curtain coverings for our kids closets instead of  bulky doors with a little saving. 

If you can't afford it, don't look. It's like trying on the $4000 wedding dress when you only have $200 to spend. It's always a bad idea. 

2. Does it fit into my house? 

Can you honestly see it working in your house? And be honest with yourself here ladies. If you have a tiny little entryway closet like I do, and you're pinning these amazing mud room pictures.... it's never gonna happen. So don't even go there. Don't even look. Maybe instead look at how to add nifty hooks onto the side for the kids, and a chalkboard to write up meals or scratch notes for the day instead. Work with what you have! There are so many neat things that can be done with a home without wanting something you don't have the room for. 

3. Can I use it at this point in my life? 

Okay guys, here comes the hard part. I love white. Love it. But wanna know what would happen if I plastered my house in white? My children would destroy it in oh... 3 seconds flat. 4 if I'm really lucky. Me pinning a bunch of pictures of white houses isn't going to do me any good. It's just going to make me discontent with my super easy to clean, hide everything black leather couches. Instead I should plan for where I'm at now. Maybe I can look at that beautiful purple paint, and the patterned grey carpet, both great for hiding stains, or some beautiful leather couches with brightly colored throws and pillows. Easy things to clean. 

Everyone has circumstances in their lives which make some things unattainable right now. Don't look at the things you know aren't attainable. You'll just covet. In 20 years when my kids are grown, we'll revisit white. Right now I'm embracing the leather. 

I think by now, most people have eliminated most things on their wishlists... but there's one more folks! 

4. Does it benefit my family? 

This isn't just a "Well of course it does, it'll make us more organized!" type thing. This is honest at it's hardest ladies. Does it benefit your home to have that chalk board there, or is the chalk dust just one more thing to clean up when you already have a white  board on the fridge? Do you really need new couches when your kids are still potty training? Does it benefit your home to have your kitchen redone, or it really just you saying "But it could be better!" Take a step back and be brutally honest. Does it benefit your family to be spending your energy in this part of your life? Or could that energy be better spent else where? Remember, brutally honest.

Well, those are the steps I take, and honestly, it's helped me a lot. I hope it helps you too.

- Natasha

Blended families: From One Christian to Another

In this day and age, it seems every second family out there is blended in some way. Take my family for example. Samuel is Josh's child from another relationship, and we have a good relationship with Sams biological mother. 

Yet still, people don't know how to deal with us. I find people get awkward, and mumble and look shocked when I say Samuel is going back to his moms. 

Yes everyone, my husband had pre-marital sex, and yes, a child was conceived of it. Yes, I adore my son, and yes, he is my son. Please don't suggest otherwise. 

Sam loves his mom, and is very happy to tell you that he has two families, two homes, and two groups of friends. If you simply ask him, he'll tell you about his life. We do the same here. We're happy to talk about our arrangement with Sams mom, about our living situation, and how we deal with discipline. I find most blended families are the same. 

I think Christians have this idea that with blended families, we have to have a stigma because of the sin that caused our family to have to be blended.

I think this is frankly pretty sad. Families are families. If I didn't tell you, you wouldn't know Sam wasn't mine. I have made a point lately of reaching out to other blended Christian families, because I know that it's hard to deal with the sidelong glances and sometimes outright rudeness.

So this is a challenge to Christians out there. Reach out to a blended family. Learn about them, about how they make it work. Instead of panicing when someone says their child isn't their blood child, smile and say "How you blessed you are!" And mean it. All these people want is to live in victory over their sin, peaceably with their family. Just like you.

- Natasha

Price Matching in Canada and the States for Canadians

Well, I live in a border town, and so... we shop in the states! But this presents a bit of a challenge, because suddenly, the prices I have to check double. Now I have to check Canada and the States prices and make two separate lists. This is time consuming, but I've got it down to only about an hour of work every two weeks to make my menu, plan my lists and price match, saving me about $100 every pay cheque.

 I'm going tell you how I personally do it with two small children who always need my attention. 

First off, two websites. 

Smartcanucks.ca

and 

dealstomeals.com

Bookmark them. You will use them every week. 

Smart canucks has a data base of every flyer, every coupon, every deal you can find in Canada. All for free. It's updated in a timely manner every week, and it's a great resource. The only problem is all stores in Canada require you to have the actual flyer in your hand. So while this is a good resource for when you are planning, you do have to get flyers to actually price match. If you consistently find you aren't getting your flyers in time... ask around at your church or other social events. Guaranteed someone's kid delivers flyers who always has extras and is willing to let you take a set. 

Deals to Meals in a States resource, yes, it costs $5 a month. You'll make that up in savings in one shopping trip, I promise you. You pick your state, and her and her team price match for you. Considering that as far as I was able to find, the States doesn't have a resource like smartcanucks... believe me, you want this. It will save you a TON of time. The pro of this is Walmart in the States does NOT require flyers to price match. You just bring your list and they will price match. If they give you a fight about it, stick to your guns, their official policy, found here, says that they don't require an ad. Most cashiers won't fight you on it. If you really want to hedge your bets, find the youngest cashier there. Most times they won't care enough to fight you more than asking for the ad. 

Ok, now down to planning! First off, get a notebook, or a spread sheet. I personally find it easier to not have to be moving my screen around and use a notebook. 

Here's how I work it. I wait until my kids are the happiest, and then I start on my menu. For me, that means in the morning, bright and early. Miah is still sleeping and Elsie is a happy baby who keeps herself amused in the mornings. I make a full two weeks, plus two extra days. This means that sometimes I have some flexibility about what I'm going to make, it also means that I typically have some extra groceries in my house from last pay cheque. 

I know many of you are sitting there, "Shouldn't you check ads first, then make your list around the ads?" Sure, and sometimes I end up changing my menu based on a really good deal. But my husband is a creature of habit, and between my children and him.. I find it's easier to just make food I know everyone will eat and try to buy the ingredients for the food we love as intelligently as possible. 

I make a grocery list based only on the food we need to get through that menu. If my menu calls for 4 lbs ground beef and I have four in my house, then it doesn't get on my list. 

Once I've made my menu and 'needed grocery' list, I go to SmartCanucks. I open up every flyer for every store even close to me. Make sure you open the ad for your neck of the woods. I once opened at Atlantic Sobeys ad by accident, when I live in Ontario, and almost had a caniption when I saw that their turkeys were $.69/lbs. I ran out to get the flyer from my mail box when they got here, only to realize I was looking at the wrong flyer. 

Go through each flyer thoroughly, even if normally you wouldn't(Sometimes stores have great deals you normally wouldn't expect from that store), and consider kicking your brand loyalty if things are an honestly better deal. Remember to keep in mind sizes. $2.99 for a block of cheese might seem like a great deal until you realize it's only 250g and you can get the 500g one for $4. 

How I  find it works the best is I write the name of the store, and then underneath that, I write every deal for food my family will eat from that store. If I know it's a particularly good deal, say $.79 for Catelli Pasta sauce, I star it. I then move on to the next store. If I find two stores have the same item on, I cross out the one that is more expensive. By the time I'm done, I have a pretty good little list. 

I then reference this list against my grocery list. I put the price matched price and where it's matched from in brackets beside each item I'm price matching, and I add to the bottom of my list anything that I'm 'stocking up' on. Take for example, my list a couple months ago. My list called for no chicken, as I already had all I needed in the house, but chicken went on sale in the states for $1.99/lbs. So chicken was my stock up item that month. Every two weeks my husband gives me X amount of dollars to spend. I get as close as possible to that number without going over. Everything I don't use on the 'needed' list, I use for stock up foods. This means when I have a lower number one week, I usually have food in the house anyways. 

I then go on dealstomeals and I make and print off my grocery list there using her method. I cross match it with my full grocery list, and then I start to highlight. Anything that I can buy in the states cheaper, I highlight with a blue marker. Things like snacks, meat, and milk are always on my states list. In Detroit, I can buy a gallon of milk for $2.50 as opposed to $5 in Windsor. Just two gallons of milk and I've paid for my dealstomeals subscription. Remember the exchange rate, if an item is only a couple cents different in the States, buy it in Canada. With our current exchange at 14 cents to the dollar, you actually end up losing money if you buy in the States. 

Once I'm done that, I head out shopping. In Canada, I like to shop at Superstore. They have a great price match policy, and if you decide to coupon, they have a good set of in store coupons. They also have the PCplus points card, which lets you load deals and collect points. 1000 points = a dollar to take off your grocery budget. It adds up quickly. In the States we shop at Walmart because of their price match policy. I can usually get all my shopping done in one evening. There is only three exceptions to this rule. I buy diapers and formula at CostCo in Canada. It is so much cheaper than anywhere else. On top of this, most of my produce I buy at a local farmers market, or our local Josephs food market. Look in your area for a small mom and pop farm vegetable market. You will typically find their vegetables more fresh, cheaper, and much more tasty. 

My  method might not work for everyone, and to a certain point it's a little bit more lengthy than it needs to be, BUT I have never missed a deal I wanted, and I am always within my budget, assuming I don't take Josh along and he ruins it. :P 

All in all, find what works for you. But shopping in the States saves me at least $80 a month. That's including toll booth fees and everything else. 

Within the next week, I'll write a post about my price book and what I typically pay for my groceries. 

God Bless! 

Natasha

Two Children under One: Thought of a Mom who's been there

When I tell people I have two children under  one who are not twins.. I get one of two reactions. 

I get the "Well you must be busy.." mixed with this "You're crazy lady" expression, or I get the longing sigh and "You're so lucky..." 

I have never once gotten another reaction. Reaction number one far outweighs reaction two. 

But people seem so misinformed about this topic, and new moms certainly don't get any info about spacing their children close together. So I'm here to talk about my experiences and the pros and cons of this stage of my life. 

I'm gonna talk about the cons first, and then get you into the good stuff. 

My body didn't have time to recover

My hips are still out of whack three months after Miahs birth because they never really had a chance to recover after Elsie. Miahs pregnancy was harder on me for things like walking and climbing stairs for this same reason. But it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be at all. 

We had a hard time bonding at first

This one was hard on me. I remember looking at Josh at 3 weeks with Miah screaming to nurse and Elsie screaming cause she wanted to be cuddled and saying "I'm a horrible mom, I don't love him. It's like he's not even mine, I don't even know him!" 

I remember feeling such guilt that I didn't bond instantly with him like I did with Elsie. With Elsie I spent every minute of my pregnancy bonding with her. By the time she came out, I already knew her. I didn't have the time to focus on Miah with his pregnancy. I was to busy chasing around my newly walking toddler.

  When he was born... I loved him... but I was also pretty resentful, because I wanted to spend time with Elsie, but this little baby wanted to nurse and it hurt(we struggled with a bad latch), and I was so tired, and I didn't know this little baby like I knew Elsie. 

I actually remember the first time I looked at him and honestly said "Mommy loves you." I cried for almost an hour after I realized I honestly meant it. That was around 2 months. I called Josh and he said "You've meant it the entire time... you were just really overwhelmed." 

You will struggle with Mommy-guilt like never before.

I still struggle with this. Toddlers take up a lot of time. So do newborns. You will not have enough time. One of them will always need you, often times both will need you. Your house will always be a mess, your dinners will always feel slapped together, and you will always be exhausted from lack of sleep. That's just par for the course. What people don't tell you is the mommy-guilt will get you. 

"Do I hold him enough?" "Does she know I still love her?" "Does he need to nurse more often?" "I held her all the time and he spends so much time in his swing..." "Am I stimulating them enough?" "He's a little behind in milestones... is it my fault?"

You'll think these things all the time. And really, there's no way to answer them. You're doing the best you can and if they are alive at the end of the day... GO YOU! 

Your older one might struggle with Jealousy and even violent outbursts.

For a couple months we dealt with Elsie hitting Miah whenever he was nursing or crying and I had to pick him up, just from sheer jealousy. I really had to be careful to play with her and snuggle her and tell her Miah was "Her baby." She struggled a bit with the protective sister instinct and the "I want my parents." jealousy... but now she's mostly fine, gives him a soother and bottles and rocks him and holds him. But be prepared for some fights along the way, maybe even a couple meltdowns.

-*-

Now... I know, it seems like "Well then why would you ever do that?" because the pros are so great. 

They play together.

My children are so interested in each other. Elsie is completely fascinated by Miah, and Miah loves Elsie. He always gives her these adorable little smiles. Elsie sings to him and dances with him, and when he gets up in the morning, she's super excited. They play together really well, and something tells me this will only get better as they get older. 

Nursing was easier.

I was already used to nursing after Elsie, so nursing Miah was no biggie at all. I also knew what to expect, so I wasn't so discouraged when those first couple days were hard. 

Pregnancy and Labour were easier.

Remember how my hips didn't go back and it causes my problems now? Well, it didn't in labour. It was amazing in labour with my pain level and speed of labour. Pregnancy also rocked in some ways, because first off, I didn't have time to think about being pregnant while chasing around Elsie. I didn't struggle with the severe hip pain and back pain I did with Elsie, because my hips and back were already where they needed to be. Overall, the entire experience of the pregnancy itself was easier. 

You already have all that baby stuff out.

I hate sorting away my baby stuff. Because I know I'm just going to have to drag it out later anyways. When I got pregnant again, I was so excited that I didn't have to put away the crib or the bouncy chair or the high chair, or the ridiculous amount of baby toys we have around.. it was all going to be used again right away. 

You're already sleep deprived.

I kid you not. This I think made those first couple months easier. We were already sleep deprived. Elsie was already getting up at night and crying while she teethed, so adding a nursing baby didn't really make a difference in our ability to function. We never really got back in the habit of sleeping through the night anyways. 

We have such fun.

When you space out your kids... you get used to doing big kids things, like going to the park... and then you realize that you have a little baby now and those things are a lot harder. It can be a resentful moment. I didn't have this with Miah. We were already playing baby games,  it was already hard to get out of the door. My kids are so happy and I have learned to love peek a boo and pat a cake. 

I can totally see why someone who choose to space out their children. I totally get it. But I think having them close is also awesome, and I think I'm gonna do it again, not this next one, but the one after that. Because it really is an adventure, and it's a lot of fun. 

- Natasha

A Big Difference: Expression of Anger and Expression of Sin

Lately I have seen a whole bunch of quotes that look an awful lot like this one: 

"We expect children to never have bad days, never be grouchy, never lose your temper. Yet we do this all the time, why do we expect things of them we don't expect of ourselves?" 

On the surface, this is a great quote, but something about it bothered me when I first read it, and now I have finally realized the issue with this train of thought. 

Yes, children have bad days, and yes, children get grouchy, and they lose their temper. But there is a big, big difference between someone having a bad day, and someone using that bad day as an excuse to sin. My problem is not when my daughter has a bad day, my problem is when my daughter has a bad day that leads to her being sinful. 

The other day, Wiggle woke up very grouchy. None of us know why, she just did. So we let her be grouchy, but throughout the day I corrected the sinful behaviour that came from her being upset. She threw her toys when told 'no'. She got corrected. She hit me when she decided that I was mean for not sharing my food, I corrected her. She got down on the ground and threw a hissy fit, I corrected her. Do you  notice something? I didn't correct her for having a bad day, I didn't correct her for being choosey about what she ate, or for not smiling enough. 

I chose to correct the attitudes that were sinful. Because these things aren't things that are ok for me or her. Why would I let my child get away with something sinful and give them the excuse "Well they had a rough night last night so she's tired today?" God doesn't give the order "Be angry and sin not... unless you're really tired, then it's ok." 

As parents, our job is not to coddle our children into  spoiled young adults who expect the world given to them, and expect people to understand they had a bad day and that's why they're mad. Our job is help them grow in Christ, and that means that we hold their attitudes and actions to Gods standard. And yes, we will make mistakes, and the battle seems kinda uphill a lot of the time, but that doesn't mean we don't do it. This world seems to be under the impression that because it's 'natural' it must be right. This is completely contrary to what God says. He says our very natures are sinful, and thus our 'natural' is wrong. Why would I for one second not help my child step towards Christ for the sake of her attitude being 'natural'? I won't. I will push my child to dwell in his shadow, in the warmth of his wings. Even if it means correcting her behaviour when she's tired and grouchy, because while anger is ok, sin is not. 

With Flash we have had this problem previously, and here is how to we dealt with it. 

1. We made it clear that attitude is a choice. 

Sure, you can wake up feeling stinky, but that doesn't mean you need to have a bad attitude about it. Contrary to what most people think, if you honestly decide that you're going to be happy today, you most likely will. Your attitude is determined by you. This applies to children as well. 

2. We laid out a plan for  him to deal with this anger.

If Flash was having a bad day, we would tell him whenever he felt angry, he could have some time to go to his room and calm down, and when he was ready to talk nicely we would listen. This left the responsibility to deal with his anger on him, and thus if  he chose to not calm down, the consequence of his anger was  justified. 

3. We didn't tolerate excuses or "Well he!"'s.

So often you see people make excuses for their anger "Well he was mean" or "Well then he shouldn't act like____." This is just plain old stupid. The Bible doesn't say be angry and sin not unless someone else irritates you, does it? No. So with Flash we have a no excuses policy. I don't care what he did, I care how you reacted. 

4. We apologized if we reacted in anger ourselves.

When I was a child there seemed to be this stigma on parents apologizing to children,  as if apologizing and admitting you were wrong was somehow going to undermine authority. But it doesn't. Having a double standard does. If you react in anger, apologize to your child and admit you were wrong it will go a long way. 

5. We always give an outlet for talk.

If Flash wants to talk, we are always there to listen to him about why he's angry. If it was something we did that we were wrong in, we fixed it, if it was something we did and he didn't like, we explained why it had to be that way. Never discount your childs opinion, this will just make them feel undervalued. But be clear that you are the parent and the final decision will always be yours.

- Adele

Image Credit: 

"Grumpy Child" by Clare Bloomfield found at freedigitalphotos.com

When You Are Overwhelmed: When everything is falling apart

If you're a parent... you've been there. Those days when it seems nothing is going right. 

The baby won't stop screaming, you're covered in pee or other bodily fluids, the toddler is throwing a hissy fit, and you can just feel the judgemental stares of that little old lady following you as you try to bounce one and get the other under control, and neither is working. 

Yeah. We've all been there. 

For me lately it's been hard. Miah's colicy, which means he screams for hours. With  no real reason. Lately people have started calling this "Purple crying." I don't care what it is... it is horrible. 

Add that to the fact that I am the only person in the world he won't take a soother from, and the only person who can't calm him down, no matter what I do... And Miah is a tough nut to crack. 

Wiggles has just started her jealous phase. As soon as I nurse Miah, or Caleb holds him... she hits him. Hard. With no warning. The problem is sometimes she's gentle and loving and we want to encourage that, so we can't just keep him constantly out of reach. Her little personality has really developed over the last little bit. She's opinionated, stubborn, and is 1 going on 13 I swear.

My house is never clean anymore. I gave up on it. There are ground up soda crackers in the carpet, and baby clothes scattered everywhere cause Wiggles loves to play with them, and somehow it always seems that dishes are never fully done.

Combine all this with sleep deprivation, and you have one very overwhelmed Mama.

But here's somethings to remember for all of you in the same boat I am. 

God understands.

I know, I know, some of you are sitting here thinking "Really Adele, really?" But no everyone, hear me out. When you are in the midst of a tandem screaming session and neither baby wants to be calmed, or your toddler is freaking out and the baby needs to be nursed and you can't fix both... It seems like you are all alone. It feels like no one understands how tired and frustrated and inadequate you feel. 

God does. 

Cry out to him for wisdom, for strength, for patience, and he'll give it! Take your heart ache before your heavenly Father and he promises that he will meet your needs. Trying to get through this challenging time without the Lord is a bad idea. This is not the time to pull away from God, but rather a time to draw every nearer to him. 

This is only for a season.

Your baby won't always be up all night screaming, and colic eventually goes away. That toddler will develop some manners and will learn obedience if you use some persistence and care. One day that baby will rock himself to sleep and you will sleep through the night again. 

This will not last forever. Everything will adjust itself out eventually, you just gotta wait it out. That blissful six months stage is coming! 

You are the best possible thing for your children right now.

It's so tempting when you're overwhelmed to think "I bet (insert other mothers name), would be better for my kids." Or it's tempting to have thoughts of running away or giving up. 

Oh Mama... you are the very best thing for your child right now. No one knows them like you, probably not even your husband knows them like you. Yes, it seems like you are the last person they need. It seems like you're never going to get this right, but think of it this way. 

These babies are taking the time to voice that something is wrong. Because they trust you to be able to fix it. 

They know that when you are near, the bad things go away. Maybe they just need a cry, and know that in the safety of your arms... they can vulnerable. This is especially true of older babies.

Don't let doubt take away the knowledge that your children where given to you by God for a purpose. Not to anyone else, you. God thought you were the best thing they needed, and don't you forget it. 

Give yourself a break.

I bet you are your hardest critic.

Sorry to break it to you darlin'... but you're human. Trying to meet the needs perfectly of yet another human. Neither of you is perfect, and one of you has limited to no verbal communication skills. Of course you're occasionally going to have problems! 

You don't have to be the perfect mom. Nope, nope you don't. In fact, you can't be. 

Sometimes the baby will cry, and it's ok to just let them... cry. And sometimes the toddler will be freaking out for no reason you can find again, and it's ok to bribe them with a cookie and hope that that solves whatever problem they're having. 

Sometimes being a good mom is saying "I don't know what to do anymore, so I'm going to walk away before I do something I regret." 

Sometimes being a good mom is giving yourself a break and saying "I'm human too, and I'm  not gonna be able to do this perfectly, but I can do my best and God will take care of the rest." 

Most of all.. You are a great mom. Don't let anyone, including yourself, say otherwise.

What I packed for Hospital Birth #2!

For Wiggles hospital birth, I ended up bringing SO much stuff, and so little of it I used. So with Miah, I'm packing light! 

My packing is split up into three bags. Wiggles overnight bag(Flash is going back to his moms if we go into labour when we have him.), my bag, and the baby bag. 

Each bag is split up into pre-pack, and a list of things to grab before we leave, which is then pinned onto the bag so we can grab it as we leave the house. 

Wiggles Bag

Prepack

- Two sleepers

- Two outfits

- Sweater

- 10 diapers

- Wipes

- Diaper Cream

- Tylenol

"Running List"

- Can of Formula

- 4 Bottles

- Bag of Milk

- Snacks

- 2 x Pacifiers

My bag

**I ended up using none of this, as I left the hospital right after I gave birth.
I maybe used the fuzzy socks, and that was pretty much it. I guess the change of clothes.

Prepack

- New package of underwear 

(I loved the hipsters fit ones from Walmart.) 

- Shampoo, soap, deodorant, hair brush, tooth brush, and tooth paste. 

- Sweater 

(Something with a zipper for nursing.)

- 1 pair of fuzzy socks, 2 normal pairs. 

- 2 books. 

- Hair elastics. 

- Cell phone

(the service is turned off, I use it as an ipod.) 

- Going home outfit 

(Screw pretty. My old PJ pants, a big baggy sweater and a maternity shirt is perfect.) 

- Breast Pads

- Change of clothes for after birth.

- Change of clothes for Caleb.  

"Running List"

- Laptop and Charger

- Calebs cellphone/Charger

Baby Bag

All of this was pre-pack. 

We used the NB outfit when we went home, and the receiving and fuzzy blankets, that's all out of this bag. 

- 1 Newborn going home outfit 

- 1 0-3 months going home outfit

- 1 light sleeper 0-3 months

- 1 fuzzy sleeper 0-3 months

- NB onesie and leggings

- 1 fuzzy NB sleeper

- 2 receiving blankets 

- 2 fuzzy blankets

- Carseat

- 1 pair socks

* I don't bring shampoo, baby soap, diapers, formula... anything like that. The hospital provides that. I also strip the room before we leave. 

It seems like a lot, but it's really not once it's all laid out! 

Good luck! 

- Adele

Miah's Birthstory!

Hey y'all! So I'm finally at the point (a month later) where Miah's birth no longer traumatizes me, so I can write about it! :D (You will probably never hear Wiggles' birth story, cause I don't want to traumatize people.)

First off, no pictures, at least not of me. Cause no one wants to see me in labour. It's not a pretty sight. Not even my husband wants to see me labour, and he has to love me whatever I look like. 

So with Miah... I was huge. I don't have any pictures of myself, but oh I wish I did, just to prove that the human body can stretch to proportions that large. I was easily twice as big as I was with Wiggles. The clothes I fit at 9 months with her? Stopped fitting at like 5 months with Miah. I was huge, and so I was miserable. I'd been having constant, hard, contractions every 5-10 minutes for about a month, and it was to the point where I couldn't pick up Wiggles because I nearly dropped her every time I had one. 

We went on the 28th to see if there was anything my midwife could do to bring on labour. And I mean anything. I begged her to strip my membranes, break my water... whatever she had to do to make this baby happen now. She just shook her head and said "You're only 38+5, relax, enjoy this! Plus, you are not even close darling." Cervix was way back, very little dilation. I went home, and cried. And by cried, I mean I threw things and then laid on my bed and sobbed because I was so done. 

Finally though, I got over it and went on with my life expecting that I would be waiting weeks before this baby finally made his appearance. So Friday and Saturday roll by... nothing. By this point, I'm just giving up on the idea of ever having a baby. I was going to stay pregnant forever, I was convinced. 

So Sunday morning rolls around, and we bundle everyone up, and head out to church. All morning I'd be having contractions per what was becoming the norm. I was uncomfortable, as women usually are at 39 weeks pregnant. We get through church, and I can't sit still. I can't get comfortable no matter what I do. I sit on the pew, I lean forward, I lean on Caleb, I pace the back.. nothing. Can't get comfortable. Whatever, I could never get comfortable at that point. I figured it was nothing. 

We go to Calebs moms every Sunday, so we head over and about halfway through lunch, around 1:30... there it was. A painful contraction. This one felt pretty much like all the other contractions I'd been having for weeks,  so I ignored it. But then 8 minutes later, there was another one. By this point my mother in law, sister in law, and husband have caught on something is going on. Caleb starts timing, and in between 1:30 and 3:00, we go from 8 minutes apart to 5 minutes apart. 

By this time Caleb is like a chicken with his head cut off. I am surprisingly calm. I kid you not, I was a sea of tranquility. And those of you who know me know I am anything but. I calmly call my mom and tell her "So maybe today, I don't think so, but maybe." I am fully in denial. Yupp. No baby. I'm positive. I'm going to pregnant forever, remember? We've thought this was labour twice already, I've had contractions 4 minutes apart for 6 hours before and then they stopped. This wasn't labour, the midwife had said I wasn't anywhere close. 

So we go home, and Flash is bouncing off the walls. He calmly informs me that "Adele, you're in a lot of pain, so I think the baby is coming today." My seven year old knew this was the day before I did. Silly me. 

We drop Flash off at his moms, and then come home again, choosing to forgo night church. We get Wiggles to sleep, and these contractions are only getting worse. Now they're 4 minutes apart and Caleb is begging me to call my midwife and just go to the hospital already. I am stubbornly refusing. This isn't labour, and I refuse to believe it is! I literally screamed this at him as I'm lying on my couch wiggling around in pain from the contractions. He gives up on me calling around 6 and calls himself, putting the phone to my ear after he tells the midwife what's going on. I tell her whats going on, she listens to a contraction and then calmly tells me to give him back the phone. "You're wife is definitely in labour, and I think we should go to the hospital, do you mind if I finish my meal first?" I insist on him saying yes, finish eating, and slowly we get our stuff together and go. All the while, I'm still in denial. 

We drop off Wiggles at a friend from churchs and head to hospital, where they check me. 4 centimeters! I'm in a bit of shock at this point. My exact words were OMGOSH this is actually happening right now.My midwife laughed at me and said "Yupp." We got admitted, just because we weren't sure how last things were gonna progress. The next three hours were boring. Labour is super boring for all you out there who haven't had babies. Seriously, it's just lots of pain, and that's about it. The only thing I have to say about this portion is "The labour ball is your best friend!" Seriously, I loved that thing. Throwing myself over it like a beached whale, bouncing on it, squatting on it... loved it. My husband was a little jealous. I walked a lot during this stage. 

Finally we get to 9:30, and my midwife is starting to ask if I want her to break my water. Why? Because I am having horrible back labour. I can't walk, I can't talk... all I can do is moan in pain and hope it goes away, except I know it won't. This horrible back labour was caused by Miah still being really high in the pelvis. So all my pain was centered in the small of my back. So she gives me the option, using these exact words. "What I am about to ask you if you want to do, could make this so much worse in a good way, or so much worse in a bad way." We opt to wait a bit and see if Miah came down on his own, and finally around 10(and 5 centimeters dilated), I say "Ok, let's do this." They break my water, and then man, transition hit. Just like that, no preemptive kinda contractions... nope, the next one was crazy into transition. 

This is the point where things get... fuzzy. I remember a lot of screaming and trying to focus on the dots on the ceiling and trying to be calm through the most horrible pain of my life... and then I remember them checking me at about 11:15 and begging her to stop touching my cervix cause it hurt... and then they tell me I'm 7 1/2 centimeters. 

... 

I then beg for the epidural, and the nitrous oxide. My husband, like the wonderful husband he is, asks me three times if I really want the epidural, and I say of course I stinkin' well do, what was I thinking going natural! My midwife looks doubtful as she checks me again. "It might be to late." She whispers to my husband, and he says "Good lord, don't tell her that!" She laughs and calls in the nurse to give me the nitrous oxide. They bring in a nearly empty tank, and I drain it in about oh.. three seconds. So they bring in another, and finally, relief! 

The problem is, this stuff makes me jittery man. I can't sit still. So they're trying to get in an IV for the epi... and I won't sit still. Finally my midwife gives up and says "It's to late anyways." So I get no epi, which in the end, was awesome. 

By now it's 11:30 and I'm so loopy on the gas that my midwife actually has to pull it out of my hand, cause I'm taking so much and starving Miah of oxygen. Yes, I loved the gas. 

My midwife checks me again, still 7 1/2. I kid you not, she turned around, took off her gloves, said something to my husband and suddenly I push. There was nothing I could do, I was pushing,  and it was burning. The other midwife yells "She's pushing!" My midwife grabs some gloves, checks me and says "She's ready, baby is crowning." Just like that. 10 minutes, maybe from 7 1/2 to 10 centimeters. Awesome. 

Three pushes. Three of the longest pushes of my entire life, and my son was born. Dude, the ring of fire? People warn you about it.. but man, it's real. But it's not as bad as labour man. Pushing feels great. Pushing was the best part of labour. The pain is going somewhere, and you know that this means it's almost over. This made all the difference for me. 

Anyways. Three pushes, three pushes and then they hand me my son. It was cool actually getting to feel giving birth this time. Last time we had to use forceps, so I never really got to feel it. But with Miah I could feel his head, his shoulders, his  body... I could feel them as they came out. It was cool. They handed him to me and he was perfect. 

He weighed 8 lbs 13 ounces, and was 21 inches long.

I had a small tear(That I yelled at the midwife for touching cause it hurt), but no other damage, which was awesome cause with Wiggles I had a 3 inch episiotomy that I hated the recovery for. 

My husband, bless his wonderful heart, sent my mother in law(Who was there for the birth and apparently yelled at my husband because he wouldn't give me the epidural when I begged her for it, even though it wasn't his fault it was to late. I love her.) to get me a Spicy Thai chicken wrap and a big fries and a coke from McDonalds. Because that's what I crave after labour. McDonalds. With Wiggles it was McDonalds nuggets. That's all I talked about during labour. 

Apparently some point in here Caleb skyped my parents to show them Miah and I, but I have no recollection of this at all. I was to busy letting the nitrous oxide leave my system.

 About 45 minutes later I was walking from the bed to the wheel chair.. around 1 I had my first pee(Which was horrible, but not as bad as I thought it was going to be), and by 2 we were heading home. Yes, home. We originally thought we were going to stay overnight until about 6, get some breakfast, and then go home. But by 2 I was feeling great, Miah was calm and feeding well, and neither Caleb or I was sleeping there, so we opted to go home. Best decision ever. I got a great nights sleep in my own bed, and my midwife came to my house and did all my follow up there, which was wonderful. 

So that's how we brought Miah into the world! It was a wonderful day, and thank God you don't really remember the pain, cause Lord all almighty, women would never have babies again after the first one if we did! 

- Adele

My Experiences : Birth with OB Vs. Birth with Mifewife

I can now happily say I have given birth to two beautiful children, and both were incredibly unique experiences, partially because of who I chose to be my primary care giver in this wonderful time. I hear debate all the time about OB's vs. Midwives, and now that I have experienced both, I'd like to chime in and give my two cents. Because what is a blog for if not to share your viewpoints with everyone. :P 

First off, I want to talk about the things that were similar, and then we'll talk about the things that were different, and whether or not I liked them. 

With both caregivers, MW and OB, I found that my care was thorough. In Canada, they are required to run all the same tests, keep all the same records, and give the same options. I never felt with either care giver that my care lacked in any way. 

... 

That was about were the similarities stopped. 

1. Atmosphere

Right from the moment I stepped into my midwives office... I knew it was different. The waiting room, rather than being a typical waiting room, was filled with comfy wicker chairs and toys for little ones to play with, which was great for Wiggles. At my OB's, they had a tiny waiting room packed with 13 chairs so tightly pressed together it made you feel like a sardine in a can. The atmosphere at the midwives was totally different, and a lot more relaxing, at least to me. 

This also carried over into each caregivers interactions with me personally. I found that I got to actually know my midwife as she was a lot more warm and open, where my OB was in and out and very clinical and never really interested in how I was actually feeling or how things were going beyond me passing my routine tests.

2. Value As Human Being

At the OB, I never felt like my OB really knew me. This was confirmed when she saw me in the emergency room, and was like "I think you're my patient, aren't you? What's your name again?" I was seeing her every week. On the other hand, my midwife called on her holiday off to make sure that Miah had turned from transverse because she knew it was causing me a lot of pain.

3. Explanation of Care

I had the option to refuse any care with a midwife, and had things thoroughly explained to me before I made any choices. This was a huge one for me. 

With my OB, I was put through lots of tests. Glucose tests, GBS swabs, weigh ins, ultrasounds... name it. I never really got solid answers from her about why these things needed to be done. This culminated in my birth, when I was given a 3 inch episiotomy with little or no warning, and no explanation of what it would mean for my long term care or recovery. 

Where as with my midwife... I did all those same tests, but voluntarily. I was given my requisition sheet, and I had the option to go or to not go. They would thoroughly explain the reasons of why I should, and why I might choose not to... and then let me decide. This culminated in while I was in labour with Miah, being thoroughly explained why she thought she should break my water and stop the back labour so I could move on and get the baby out. I was also informed of the risks and the consequences if nothing changed. I felt much more... in control with my midwife. This made me much more relaxed, and much more able to cope with the stress of labour and pregnancy. 

4. Illness Driven VS. Pregnancy Driven 

I found that with my OB, pregnancy was looked at like an illness. A list of 'symptoms' adorned her walls, and she was always looking for something wrong, and honestly seemed to believe that being pregnant was something that needed to be controlled and fixed as much as possible. Not only did this go against my own belief system that pregnancies and babies are a gift from God, and my body was made to do this very special thing... but it stressed me out every time I went there as she listed off all the things that could go wrong at any point. 

With my midwife, I found that my pregnancy was viewed not as a sickness, but as a blessing. It was never assumed that something must be wrong because I was pregnant, never assumed that my 'symptoms' needed to be replaced with medication. There was no pressure to conform to the perfect pregnancy, no feeling that somehow there was impending doom looming around the corner. 

5. Who I Saw

My cities OB's have a system set up that one OB is on call for all the babies born on specific days, and they rotate. Which means you have a 1/12(at least) chance of actually seeing your OB for your birth. Most likely you'll be seen by an OB you have never met before. 

My midwife was there for me every step of the way, and I had no doubt that she, or my choice of other midwife if she was truly unavailable, like at another birth, would be at my birth. 

6. Induction Vs. Natural

When Wiggles was born, I went into the hospital the day after my due date thinking my water might have broken. When the OB on call discovered I was dilated 3 cm, they asked if I wanted to induce. I was an idiot and said yes. This led to an incredibly hard labour. 

With my midwife, even though I was uncomfortable and huge, she explained to me the reason she couldn't even sweep my membrane for the last week, and how my cervix was far back, and how she knew yes, it hurt and yes, I was miserable, but this baby would come in it's own time. He ended up coming three days later, and his labour was so much easier. 

7. Labour

This point should really have it's own post. There's that much to say in here. 

We already addressed who was actually at my birth a little bit, but there was more to it than that. With my OB birth and induction, there were constantly people in the room, checking me, prodding me, making sure the many chords that were attached to me weren't getting tangled... everything. This made it pretty much impossible to move to help the contractions not be so painful, and was very effective at making me feel very small and alone. I labour for 13 hours with Wiggles, 7 of those medicated with the epidural because the pitocin made my contractions so strong that even nitrous oxide(Which was pain relief enough for transition during Miah's birth) wasn't working for pain relief during first stage labour. When I was finally fully dilated, Wiggles wouldn't turn so she came down the birth canal. Instead of telling me to stop pushing, the nurses let me push for 1 1/2 hours before the OB finally came in and said "Why are you still pushing, baby isn't going anywhere." This led to me being so swollen and sore that at 5 weeks postpartum I was still wincing in pain when I sat down. After they had to use forceps to deliver her, Wiggles was taken away from me and I was stitched up, which stressed me out cause all I wanted to do was hold her. 

With my midwife, I labour for several hours at home before we went to the hospital, and when we were there, it was Caleb, my MW, and I in the room. Twice a nurse came in, once to take my blood for a MRSA test, and once to check on Miah after he was born to make sure he was ok caused he had pooped inutero. There was a secondary midwife who was there, which was nice. I never once felt like this was something scary, at least not coming from them. When I was so scared to push without drugs(cause of what it did to me with Wiggles) that I begged for the epidural, my midwife very calmly looked at me and said "It's to late, but you can do this. You are doing so great." An hour later I was pushing and it was such a relief. I wanted to push, and it felt good. not horrible like I expected... anyways. After labour I had no stitches needed, and I got to hold him indefinitely with no pressure to feel like I had to rush to get out of the bed or to give him up for testing. It was wonderful. 

8. Post-Labour

After Wiggles was born, we were stuck in the hospital for 2 days, and until I had a bowel movement, they wouldn't let me leave. It was possibly the most painful and utterly humiliating thing I have ever done to have my bowel and urinary movements tracked by a nurse, for no reason that I knew of. I got some pretty hard pressure from the nurses to give Wiggles formula, and they were adamant about some of the tests that needed to be done, that honestly I didn't feel needed to be done, but I couldn't leave without them. 

With my midwife, we gave birth at 11:23, and I was gone from the hospital by 2:30. There was no reason for us to stick around. I was feeling well enough to walk, and Miah was measuring well... there was no reason for us to stay, and it was SO nice to go home and sleep in our own bed, and eat our own food. 

9. Post-Post Labour

My midwife comes to my house on days 1, 3, 5,  2 weeks, 4 weeks, and 6 weeks, to measure me and baby and make sure everything is ok, plus more if something if felt to be 'off'. This is wonderful as it means we're not leaving the house with two struggling little kids in the cold to go to the office. It also means that I get A LOT more personal care than I ever did post partum with my OB. 

My OB saw me once at 1 week, and once at 6 weeks. Unless I had a serious concern, then I was to go to the hospital. I had to go at 3 days to a maternal care clinic in the hospital, which was an awful lot of walking for a new mom, as it was in the basement and a long way from the parking. I had a public care nurse who came and saw me at 1 week, but all she really did was give me pamphlets on what I should be feeding Wiggles, and lecture me about how I should force her to sleep on her back, even though she hated it and would cry so hard she choked on her own tears everytime we tried to  move her off her front. It was super frustrating that when I felt I might have been getting an infection, or when my healing was going BADLY... I didn't feel I could call my OB. I wouldn't hesitate to call my midwife now. 

Final conclusion: 

I would totally go with a midwife again, assuming I had another low risk pregnancy. OB's are great, but they have a place, and that place is not in a low risk pregnancy. They don't know what to make of it other than treat you like you are high risk, but you aren't. :) I would totally recommend a midwife to any pregnant mom, and natural birth to anyone. Yes, it's kinda scary, but my recovery is so much better, and overall, the pain actually worked out to be less than with pain meds in labour. :) 

In short, this entire post is about why I loved my midwife. XD